Again
by Born2Be
Summary: Santana always thought her biggest heartbreak would be her own anguish. She wanted better for your little cousin. She didn't want Rachel to have to follow in these foot steps. She never would have imagined that this could have happened to her, let alone someone she loved. Yet here they are... History really does repeat itself. AU: Santana/Rachel cousin bond Quinn/San friendship
1. Prologue

**A/N: This story is rated M. There are triggers within each chapter as the subject is a delicate one. Please read at your own discretion.**

**Prologue**

The tune from Quinn's favorite song suddenly echoed through the kitchen as her phone started to buzz along the kitchen counter next to her. The blonde didn't need to look to know who was calling, the ringtone gave it away. She nonchalantly wiped her hand on a nearby towel before quickly answering the mobile device.

"Hey girl, what's up?" Quinn said as she answered her phone before turning back to the sink full of dishes. Living on her own sure did have it's perks; however it also meant no more maid to help clean up after her. You would think after three years of living on her own, out of her parent's house, she would be used to the household chores... but somehow college Quinn seemed to be more focused on other things and less focused on housework. The blonde stared at the huge pile of dirty dishes next to her on her counter. Boy did she miss her maid.

"I need...I need to talk to you..." Santana breathed into the phone as she bit her bottom lip nervously.

"Obviously, or else you wouldn't have called me, silly." Quinn smiled. Santana was her best friend in the whole world. Smartalic remarks back and forth between the two were not uncommon. The blonde continued to grip the phone between her shoulder and the side of her face as she dried off another plate from the sink.

There was a pause before Santana's shaky voice broke through the phone again. "Quinn, I'm being serious."

Quinn paused and immediately wiped her hands dry with a nearby towel before setting it onto the counter as she frowned. "San?" It was now that the blonde noticed that her best friend's voice sounded...off.

"I need to talk to you about something..." The twenty one year old repeated again to her best friend.

"Anything, San, anytime." She replied quickly.

Santana's voice shook weakly. "Can I come over?"

...

Quinn swung open the door and immediately froze at the sight of her best friend. Santana's usual straight posture was completely distorted, her shoulders were hunched over and her head was hung low. The blonde stepped aside and motioned for Santana to come inside but quickly felt her breath catch in her throat as the brunette lifted her head.

"Oh my god! Santana! What the hell happened!?"

"I..." Santana brought her hand up and gingerly touched her nearly swollen shut eye.

Quinn pulled Santana into her apartment and closed the door quickly behind her. She pulled the brunette to the nearest chair and after sitting her down in it, she squat down in front of the brunette to get a better look at her face. Santana's eye was an incredibly dark shade of blue and was swollen beyond belief. Her upper lip was also swollen and had a mean gash along it as well. Along Santana's hairline she noticed a thick bandage covering what she could only assume was another cut. The site made her stomach churn while making a fire ignite within her.

"Who did this." Quinn's question came out more like a statement. She was demanding to know, she wasn't asking.

Santana lowered her eyes from her friend's. "Quinn...I need you to help me..."

"Absolutely." Quinn said with a firm nod. "Who the fuck did this?"

Santana shook her head. "No... I need...I need you to help me...to fix me up. I'm...I-I'm supposed to meet up with my cousin tomorrow...I can't...I can't look like this." Her voice shook so much as she spoke, it was near impossible to choke out all the words so audibly.

Quinn frowned and then pulled her head back away from her best friend as she looked Santana up and down, taking a once over of all her injuries again. The fire that was burning within her only grew more. Santana didn't want help for her...she wanted help hiding whatever the hell had happened to her. This wasn't going to happen like this. Quinn needed answers.

"Santana, who did this?"

"Quinn-"

"No!" Quinn suddenly shouted which was followed by a feeling of regret when she witnessed her best friend flinch at the sudden outburst. She lowered her voice. "I'm not hiding anything until you tell me what the hell happened. Who the fuck laid their hands on you?"

Santana let out a sob as her chin quivered. "Quinn, please..."

The blonde shook her head and immediately stood up. "Tell me that Matt didn't do this, San. Tell me it wasn't him." The thought of Santana's live in boyfriend laying even a finger on her best friend made that fire explode within her.

"I..." Santana briefly brought her eyes back up to meet Quinn's. "I can't tell you that..." her voice was so soft she wasn't even completely sure it was audible for Quinn's ears.

It was. Quinn's eyes darkened. "I'm going to kill him." She took a step away from her friend as she looked over her shoulder towards where her car keys were hung. "I'm going to fucking kill him. He is-"

"Quinn...please..." Santana's eyes begun to water. She shook her head as tears ran down her face.

"Stay here. I'll be back."

"No!" Santana's sudden jolt of energy brought immediate pain to the fallacies covering her face. "Ow, damnit!" She hissed as she hunched back over, hesitating bringing her hands to her face. She shook her head as she felt her eyes well with more tears. "I can't." She shook her head again. "You can't."

At the sound of her friend's pain, Quinn hesitated. She was torn. She didn't know if she should grab her keys and disappear into the night to go hunt down Santana's boyfriend or if she should rush over to her best friend to pull her into the world's tightest hug. She looked between her car keys and her best friend then back again. Finally her eyes rested on Santana. The brunette was trying to hold her head up as she attempted to keep from crying, but it was like she couldn't find a spot on her face to rest her hands. There wasn't a single spot that didn't look swollen or wasn't bleeding or darkened. Quinn felt her shoulders sag even as her heart continued to flutter wildly in her chest with anger.

Santana looked up slowly at her best friend. "Please..."

That was all it took. Quinn's decision was made. She couldn't leave her best friend... not right now...not like this.

...


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: A big shout out goes to the wonderfully amazing Beaner008. She truly is amazing, people. **

Chapter 1

_**Five years later**_

Santana leaned against the counter as she pushed the small piece of cake on her plate around with her plastic fork. The twenty six year old was zoned out, tuned out to the world as her own thoughts took over her brain...like they typically did whenever she had alone time. The brunette squeezed her eyes shut as she shook her head. "You're at work, reign it in," she scolded herself.

"Talking to yourself? You do that at work too? Do your coworkers think you're crazy too?" Quinn let out a small laugh as she joked with her best friend.

"What are you doing here, Quinn?" Santana smiled as relief flushed over her. She set her cake down on the counter and pulled her best friend into a hug.

The blonde smiled at the girl, "Can't a girl come visit her roommie at work?"

Santana rolled her eyes. "Did you seriously come all this way to get mac and cheese from the cafeteria again?"

Quinn shrugged her shoulders as she leaned onto the counter next to Santana. "Don't judge me."

Santana shook her head, "Quinn Fabray. This is a hospital."

"Yes, this I am well aware." Quinn pulled her to-go container of fresh mac and cheese from her bag and smiled down at it.

"You're sick," Santana shook her head again with a smile on her face.

"Then I'm in the right place aren't I?" Quinn laughed. She shrugged her own shoulders, "whatever, so I think they have the best mac and cheese in the state...possibly the world... what's the big deal? I don't work today, you taunted me with a mac and cheese picture, I was bored, plus you work here sooooo I came to see you."

Santana laughed again. "I sent you the picture as a joke, I didn't think you would actually come get the mac and cheese... you've got a problem."

Quinn shot a scowl over her shoulder at her best friend.

Santana through her hands up playfully, "fine! We will go with the excuse that you wanted to come see your bestest friend in the whole wide world. That one will help me sleep better at night...rather than knowing that my best friend is obsessed with hospital mac and cheese..." Santana shivered at the thought.

"Oh whatever," Quinn joked back as she joined in the laughter. "I need a fork," the blonde turned around to look on the counter for some plastic utensil and that is when she first noticed the amount of food that lined the counter they were both currently leaned on. "Holy food! Damn!"

Quinn's jaw dropped. The small break room they were standing in had a large sheet cake that had been cut into pieces already set out on individual plates. The counter also held a couple bags of chips, a veggie tray with plenty of dips, a bowl of assorted fruit and a bunch of sodas and juices to choose from. "What gives, who's birthday is it?

The brunette looked over the food that lined the counter and her laughter immediately came to a stop. She gave a heavy sigh and then shrugged her shoulders as her best friend looked at her for an answer. "Today is my three years at this job."

Quinn's jaw dropped playfully as she threw her hands up in the air motioning at all the food while she help her unopened container of mac and cheese in her hand. "They get cake for worker's anniversaries? Damn, I'm in the wrong business." The blonde laughs at the situation, but the laughter was short lived when she realized that Santana wasn't laughing with her.

Quinn set her mac and cheese down and scooted closer to her best friend. She lowered her voice. "I didn't come to the hospital just for the mac and cheese today. I know what day it is, and I wanted to be here," she shrugged her shoulders. "Even if it was just for lunch."

Santana gave her friend a weak smile. "Yea...you didn't have to do that...I'm fine..."

"I know I didn't have to, and I know you're fine." Quinn nodded her head as she gave her friend a warm smile. Then a question hit her. "Has Rachel called you today?" Quinn tilted her head.

Santana dropped her gaze, "No."

The blonde let out a sigh, "Oh Rach..." she shook her head at the thought of the twenty three year old.

Santana shrugged her shoulders as she looked back at Quinn, "It's okay, we both know that today makes Rachel feel awkward."

"It shouldn't." Quinn was quick to answer.

Santana looked her best friend in the eyes, she didn't really want to get into this, she never did but especially not today and not at work. "I'm her big cousin, Quinn. We've been over this...I've protected her and kept her safe...I threw the wrench into her life. Before five years ago, nothing bad happened in her life like this... this day is a reminder to her how scary the world can be just as much as it's a reminder to me and you." Santana shook her head as she let out a breath, "She doesn't know what to say so we avoid the subject as well as the day, it's just how she copes. I can't fault her for that."

Quinn nodded her head. She had so much more that she wanted to say but she knew that Santana was right. It sucked but she couldn't fault Rachel for how she reacted to this, her best friend was right about that. It was just something that had to be... however it didn't mean that it would ever stop getting under her skin. Every year on this day her day revolved around thinking about Santana and being there for Santana, she just wished that the burden wasn't completely on her...even if that was selfish. The blonde sighed and decided not to press further, there wasn't a point. She looked back over her shoulder at all the cake, changing the subject. "So do they really do this for everyone or is it just because you're the shift supervisor?"

Santana let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding, thankful for the switch in conversation. "I work with a bunch of kiss asses and fatties. Any reason to have a potluck day, they'll jump on it."

The blonde nodded her head as silence settled over the small room. She gave her best friend a side glance only to notice that Santana was zoned out once more. "Im proud of you, San. You made the decision to make a change in your life and to move forward...a decision a lot of people can't do, let alone on their own. You did it."

Santana scoffed at her best friend, "Yea it took me long enough...I mean it took me two years to get motivated."

Quinn shook her head, "You started this job two years to the day after... it was a sign."

"A sign for what?"

The blonde shrugged her shoulders. "Three years ago you said you needed to do something, to make something of yourself... you wanted to make the next move and you did. You went to countless interviews. I saw how hard it was for you, to put yourself out there like that, but you did it. And then ON the day two years after... you got a call from this hospital to come in and get your badge made and get your scrubs. Now look at you San, your coworkers are celebrating this day because you started here, three years ago. This day is your work anniversary...the day YOU decided to change your life."

Santana blinked her eyes in order to ensure the welled tears in her eyes didn't fall. She playfully elbowed her best friend. "Alright already, I'm at work," she laughed as she wiped at her eyes.

"I just love you and am proud of you is all!" Quinn laughed as she pulled her best friend into a hug.

The hug only lasted a minute before Santana urged the blonde to release her. "Alright alright, I gotta go back to work. Go take your nasty mac and cheese home."

"Fiiiiiiiiiiiine," Quinn huffed as she smiled at Santana. She picked her mac and cheese up off the counter and looked over her shoulder on her way out of the hospital's break room. "For the record, this mac and cheese is not nasty, in any way shape or form."

Santana rolled her eyes at her best friend and then mocked her right back playfully. "'For the record' you aren't supposed to even be in here, so scram."

The blonde laughed. "Yes mam' boss lady!"

The brunette watched as her roommate reached for the closed door. Right before exiting the room, Quinn looked over her shoulder at her one last time. "I'm glad you survived five years San. You're strong, you're capable... you can do this." The blonde winked as she gave a warm smile, "bring home some of that cake and fruit if there are leftovers."

Santana sighed as Quinn finally left her alone in the room. Five years. Today marked five years. Three years ago she started working at the hospital, she started her career in a job she loved every day she worked... but five years ago...five years ago her life had ended. It took her two full years to find out how to start it again. The brunette sighed. She took a deep breath and nodded her head at herself. She had to get back to work. Today wasn't just any other day to her, but to her coworkers it was so she had to get back to it.

...

Quinn kicked up her feet onto the ottoman and sank further into the couch. A small smile filled her face as she watched the wine circle around in her crystal glass before bringing a small sip to her lips. Silence, nice calming silence filled her apartment. She loved every minute of it, it never got old. She grabbed the remote and turned on Netflix for her latest obsession, Scandal. Sure there was more important things she could be doing but the only thing she really WANTED to do was figure out what the hell Olivia Pope was going to do next.

The blonde looked over into the adjacent room which held the desk and a bookshelf full of her law books. She sighed heavily as she took another sip of wine. She looked back at the TV and then reluctantly back towards the empty desk. Fuck Shonda Rhimes and her addicting TV shows. She rolled her eyes at herself because she knew exactly what she _should_ be doing...and it sure as hell wasn't sitting with her feet up drinking wine watching Scandal.

She was a law student, her time wasn't her own. It hadn't been for the past three years. "One more month and you'll be done..." Quinn sighed out loud to herself, in order to try to calm her twisting stomach. Ever since studying for the LSAT and subsequently studying for her law exams year after year she had one severe case of a constant twisting knots in her stomach. She smiled as she sipped more wine, releasing a calming breath.

Her smile however quickly faded as she slapped her open palm to her forehead. "Idiot," she scolded herself. One more month and then came the hell of studying twelve hours a day for two months straight to prepare for the ever dreaded bar exam. She suddenly wished that she wasn't almost done with law school. With a heavy sigh Quinn reluctantly turned off Netflix. Olivia Pope would just have to wait, unfortunately.

After this glass of wine, it will be time to continue studying, the blonde propositioned herself. She nodded her head, there was still half a glass left... five more minutes. Five more minutes wouldn't kill her... or have her flunk out of school her last year. She smiled, pleased with herself once more. Suddenly, her phone started ringing which only made her smile spread across her face more. Yay for distractions! It's not like she couldn't answer the phone, that would be rude... studying will just have to wait she concluded with a nod as she reached for her phone happily.

"Hey, little bit," the twenty six year old blonde said with a smile as she answered the call of the girl who was the closest thing to a little sister that she had ever had. Talking on the phone as a distraction made her feel less guilty than watching Scandal, which was perfect because it meant her head wasn't buried in case law. Win! She smiled brightly at herself all while silently thanking the girl for calling.

...

She reached around along the cemented sidewalk for her phone, trying her best not to put any weight on her other wrist as she searched. It was dark outside. Too dark. She couldn't see anything. She let out another sob which only made her tender ribs ache even more. Forcing herself to take a steady breath, she was able to control the tears from blinding her vision as she continued to feel for her discarded cell phone.

"Please don't be broken...please..." The twenty three year old begged into the darkness. She immediately felt her heart skip a beat when her fingers fell upon an object which she quickly was able to recognize as her phone.

She needed to call someone, she needed help. Her fingers scrolled to a name and hit the dial button. As she brought the phone to her ear and listened to the ringing she gingerly brought her injured wrist into her chest in order to attempt to alleviate some of its throbbing.

"Hey, little bit," The other girl's happy voice rang through the other end of the line causing her to hold her breath.

She didn't know what to say. She hadn't thought about it. This...this awful thing had just...happened and as soon as it was over, all she knew was that she needed to find her phone.

Her silence caused the older girl to speak again. "Rachel?"

Rachel let out a grunt of pain as she shifted her weight. Hearing her cousin's best friend's voice say her name made a fresh wave of tears instantly sting her eyes. "Quinn..." she was finally able to breathe.

"Hey Rach, what's up?" Quinn said again once she finally got a response.

"I..." Rachel shook her head. She didn't want to fall apart. Not right now, she couldn't. She had to get away from here. She had to move away from this...this spot. The thought made her stomach churn. She squeezed the phone in her good hand even tighter. "Are you home?"

Quinn rolled her eyes. "It is ten o'clock on a tuesday night. You know I am an old woman at heart. Don't let my twenty six year old image fool you." Quinn laughed, but when she didn't receive a snarky comment in return the blonde sighed and answered more forwardly. "Yes, Rach I am home."

"Is my cousin there?"

Quinn frowned. "San? No, she is working the late shift at the hospital tonight. She won't be home for an hour or two more...but if you want to talk to her she should answer her phone. Sometimes I just have to call back to back and she'll answer eventually."

Rachel let out a breath of relief. She couldn't deal with her cousin...not right now. She just needed...The brunette shook her head. She didn't know what she needed. All she knew was that she wanted so desperately to be in her cousin and Quinn's apartment so that Quinn could help her. Rachel forced herself to speak. "Can I come over?"

Quinn's frown deepened. Why on earth would Rachel want to come over at ten on a tuesday night? Especially after she just informed her that her cousin was in fact not here. "Is everything okay?"

Rachel couldn't control the sob that ripped from her mouth into the phone in response to Quinn's question. She was anything but okay. "No, no I'm not okay..."

With that Rachel attempted to stand up without putting any pressure on her wrist. It was throbbing now. In the process she felt even more pain than she thought was possible rip through her entire body as she stumbled into a standing position. Everything hurt. Tears clouded her eyes but she shook her head and bit her lip to stop them from falling. Not even a half of a second later she let out another hiss of pain as she felt her tender lip throb.

"Rachel? Rachel?" Quinn's panicked voice was screaming from the phone that Rachel hadn't realized was no longer being held by her ear.

The twenty three year old quickly brought the phone to her ear again as she started to limp back towards her apartment where her car was parked. "I'm here...sorry..."

"What is going on Rach?"

"I...I just need to come over. I need..." She shook her head. "Please Quinn. Can I come over?"

Quinn felt her heart racing. "Of course you can, sugar. You know that you are always welcome. Can you tell me what's going on?"

Rachel continued at a slow but tender pace towards her complex. She felt something dripping from her nose and quickly brought the back of her hand to wipe it. Once she pulled her hand away she quickly realized that her nose was bleeding. Too tired and in pain to worry about wiping the trail away, Rachel simply focused all her energy on making it to her car.

"I...I will when..." Rachel shook her head again. She couldn't promise something she wasn't sure she could do. "I just need to see you. I need to get away from...here."

"Where is 'here'? Did you and Finn have a fight or something?" The blonde tried to guess.

Rachel squeezed her eyes shut as she felt a sob catch in her chest. She hadn't even thought about her boyfriend. "No," Rachel said quickly to keep her mind from thinking about anything more than getting to Quinn and Santana's apartment. "It's not anything like that."

"Then what is going on pumpkin? You sound...off...?"

"Quinn, I...I'm gonna hang up. I'm about to get in my car to head to your place. Can you...please don't call anyone."

"Call anyone?"

Rachel sighed as she was able to finally see her car in the distance. "Please don't call Santana." She couldn't have her cousin blowing up her phone. She couldn't have her cousin leaving work early...she didn't want to talk to anyone. She just needed...she needed a shower but she needed to get as far away from this area as she could. Her stomach was churning at the thought of how close to that spot she still was.

"Rachel you are worrying me. Why-"

Rachel cut off her cousin's best friend and roommate. "Quinn please. Please promise me..."

Quinn paused at the desperacy in Rachel's voice. "Fine..." She finally sighed.

"Thank you...thank you so much," Rachel felt an ounce of relief from Quinn's promise. She slowly brought the phone from her ear and hit the 'end' button. The younger girl looked up and focused all her energy on fighting through her aches and pains to make it to her car as quickly as she could. She couldn't be out here anymore...she couldn't be alone anymore.

As soon as Quinn heard the dial tone on her phone she realized that Rachel had hung up. She had the biggest knot in her stomach. She wanted nothing more than to call Santana and ask her what she thought could be going on with her little cousin, but she had made Rachel a promise. Against better judgement, the blonde actually complied. She slowly lowered herself onto the couch and waited for the small brunette's arrival, leaving her phone on the coffee table in front of her, untouched.

...

Rachel reached up to knock on the front door but quickly paused when she realized she was about to knock with her already very swollen wrist. She shook her head at herself, took a deep breath in attempt to keep her emotions at bay and then switched arms, knocking gently on the door.

Much to Rachel's surprise the door flew open almost immediately. There was a few seconds of complete silence as the older blonde took in Rachel's surprising appearance.

"Oh my god, Rachel..." Quinn breathed as she covered her mouth with her hand in shock.

Rachel hung her head in response and gently started to walk into the apartment, trying her best to hide her limp. Her eyes started watering immediately. She hadn't looked in the mirror...she had no idea what she looked like, and from Quinn's reaction she was sure that she didn't want to know.

Quinn shook her head, attempting to snap out of her shocked daze and quickly sprung to Rachel's side in order to help the younger girl into the apartment. She reached out and held the girl around her midsection as she ushered her inside the apartment. As soon as she touched Rachel, much to her surprise, the young brunette let out a loud whimper and cry causing Quinn to quickly back away from the girl.

The door shut automatically behind the girls leaving yet another opportunity for complete silence. Quinn couldn't find any words to say. Sure, she was expecting Rachel to be crying, she had assumed that the twenty three year old had received a bad grade or gotten into a fight with her boyfriend or roommate but never in a million years was she expecting to open the door to find Rachel bloodied, bruised and dirtied.

Rachel stood in front of the now closed front door with her head hung. She was exhausted and in pain but most of all she was mortified. How did her late night jog end up becoming... She suddenly let out a loud sob as tears instantly began to flow freely from her eyes.

"Baby, come here. Come sit down, please..." Quinn didn't know what to do. Rachel's sudden hysterical crying was only adding to the amount of worry and fear she felt for the young girl. "Oh god..." She repeated again quietly.

Somehow Rachel was slowly lowering herself onto the living room couch. She was crying so hard, it barely registered that Quinn was already sitting at her side with her hands lifted to aid her descend onto the plush cushions.

As soon as her lower half made contact to the couch Rachel shot back up into a standing position, screaming in agonizing protest. "No! Oh god! I...I c-can't!"

Quinn herself snapped up off of the couch at Rachel's off behavior and scream. "What is it, Rachel?" She was trying her hardest to keep her voice calm but was failing incredibly.

Rachel covered her eyes with her uninjured hand as she let out another loud sob. Her lower half ached incredibly so. The leather cushions were not as plush as she was expecting and had been a harsh awakening to her exacerbated nerves.

"I..." Rachel shook her head as more tears fell. She closed her eyes behind her hand. "Oh god..." she felt bile churning in her stomach.

"I was raped."

...

**A/N: Feedback is love! Thank you!**


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: I made a promise to myself that I would update again when I find out whether I have been accepted into law school or not. I honestly thought it would give me another two weeks but today I found out that I did indeed get accepted! (Yaaaaaaaay!) So without further adue here is my 'yay' present to myself for you all! Chapter 2! **

**Important: Anything from the past will be in italics. This story does a bit of jumping back and forth between Santana's past (five years ago) and Rachel's present as well as Rachel's flashbacks. Rated M for a reason!**

**...**

Previously on 'Again':

Quinn herself snapped up off of the couch at Rachel's off behavior and scream. "What is it, Rachel?" She was trying her hardest to keep her voice calm but was failing incredibly.

Rachel covered her eyes with her uninjured hand as she let out another loud sob. Her lower half ached incredibly so. The leather cushions were not as plush as she was expecting and had been a harsh awakening to her exacerbated nerves.

"I..." Rachel shook her head as more tears fell. She closed her eyes behind her hand. "Oh god..." she felt bile churning in her stomach.

"I was raped."

**Chapter 2**

It was like Quinn had stepped into a time portal. Suddenly she wasn't looking at Rachel crying hysterically in front of her, she was seeing Santana from five years ago.

_"I tried to calm him down... He...he was just so mad." Santana cried out as she held the ice pack to her swollen shut eye. _

_Quinn shook her head. "Don't give him any excuses. Nothing you could have done should have ever resulted in him...beating you the hell up."_

_Santana let out another sob as she shook her head. "I just want my old Matt back. The one who was sweet and gentle...the one I was excited to live with."_

_Quinn tried to contain the fire that was burning her insides. She wanted nothing more than to take a frying pan to this guy's face...a hot one. "What could you have possibly 'done' for him to even think that this was okay? I mean...god Santana!" She was looking over her best friend and couldn't get passed all the bumps, bruises and scrapes. _

_Santana stayed quiet for a while. She knew her best friend was angry, and if roles had been reversed she was sure that she would be in the same boat but what she had to say wasn't going to calm Quinn down...not in the least. It was just going to add to the blonde's fire and only make her feel worse about herself and her decisions at moving in with him in the first place._

_"I didn't...I didn't feel like it...on my lunch break today." Santana nearly whispered._

_"Feel like it? Feel like what?" Quinn paused. "Wait this happened this afternoon?"_

_Santana nodded her head slowly. "A few hours ago... I went back to the apartment for my lunch break so me and...Matt could eat lunch together...but...then I couldn't go back to work so I had to call out."_

_"Obviously!" Quinn shouted causing Santana to wince. The blonde immediately lowered her voice with a quick apology. "Of course you couldn't go back into work...like this. Why didn't you call me earlier Santana?"_

_"I...he was still home...when he finally left...I called you immediately after." Santana paused before shaking her head. "I can't look like this if I'm supposed to meet up with my little cousin tomorrow. It can't happen." _

_Quinn shook her head. She chose to ignore Santana's last statement. There was too much else to discuss. Hiding this from her eighteen year old cousin was the least of her worries. She hated that Santana had to wait for that asshole to leave before she could call for help. She hated that she needed to call for help in the first place to begin with. Suddenly the blonde paused. "You said you didn't feel like it? What does that mean, San?"_

_Santana lowered the ice pack from her eye as she simultaneously lowered her head. She focused on her lap and bruised up hand. "He wanted...he wanted to have a 'quickie' but...I didn't want to... I...I just...I wasn't in the mood..."_

_Quinn felt her jaw drop. She covered her hand over her mouth before slowly pulling it away. She noticed her hand was trembling but she didn't care, she couldn't care about anything in this moment except the thought that was now in her head. Quinn had assumed that Matt had beaten up Santana, her brain hadn't even fathomed the possibility that something more terrible had happened in addition to the beating. "He...he...?" Quinn couldn't believe she was about to ask this next question... "he didn't just beat you up...did he...?"_

_Santana slowly shook her head as hiccuped sobs managed to skip out of her mouth._

_Quinn's jaw dropped further if that was even possible. She felt frozen yet somehow the words tumbled out before she could even think of a better way to phrase them. "Santana did he...rape you?"_

_Santana let out a loud cry as her body was wracked with sobs. She felt her best friend's hand touch her hand gingerly for support. The brunette covered her eyes with her other hand as she squeezed them shut behind it. The tears ran down her face._

Quinn snapped back into the present as she continued to stand in shocked silence in front of the younger brunette, who had taken to the same exact pose as her cousin had five years prior. The blonde couldn't help but feel like she was in a nightmare. How could this have happened...again. In the same family? On _the_ day?

Quinn stepped forward slowly and rested her hand gently on Rachel's back. Rachel turned without removing her hand from her eyes and tucked her head into Quinn's shoulder as she continued to sob hysterically.

Quinn ran her fingers through the brunette's hair in order to keep it from falling in her face. "We need to call the cops so they can arrest Finn." She stated as calmly as she could to the twenty three year old.

"Finn...Finn didn't d-do...this..." Rachel was able to choke out.

Quinn frowned, she tried to pull Rachel away from her chest in order to look the girl in the face but Rachel wasn't having it. She was buried in Quinn's neck and clutching into Quinn's shirt as if it were the only thing keeping her standing. Quinn rested her chin on Rachel's head. "Rachel..." She tried to warn the girl that lying wasn't going to make any of this easier. Covering for a pig was in no way a good thing. Especially because they both know that Quinn had dealt with this with Santana all those years ago.

"It wasn't him," Rachel repeated again between tears.

"Rach..." The blonde sighed. "If it wasn't him...then who was it?" When Rachel didn't answer, move or make any sound, Quinn planted another kiss on the top of the young brunette's head again. "Hm?"

"I don't know..." Rachel said barely above a whisper. More hot tears rushed down her cheeks, wetting Quinn's shirt even more.

Quinn shook her head as she continued to hold Rachel in her arms. She wasn't frustrated per say, but she definitely wanted Rachel to start being truthful. She wanted Finn to rot in prison for what he did to this amazing girl. She wanted nothing more than to bring this horrific crime to justice so that he could suffer for what he has now condemned Rachel with for the rest of her life. Quinn knew first hand that after a rape things didn't simply go back to normal. After Santana's attack, the blonde had insisted that they get a two bedroom apartment together and immediately helped move all of her things out of that awful apartment in with her. They had been roommates for five years now and living with a rape survivor had shown Quinn everything that comes with the aftermath of such an awful experience. Night terrors, trusting issues, flashbacks, change in personality, depression, avoided activities or situations etc. The list went on and on and because of that, as she held the crying girl in her arms she wanted nothing more than for Rachel to say Finn's name out loud for her. Saying his name was the first step, she needed Rachel to see that.

"Rachel, he hurt you…. Don't protect him-"

Rachel suddenly pulled away from Quinn. She looked into the blonde's eyes with her puffy ones. "It wasn't my boyfriend. It….it wasn't Finn." She let out another sob. "I don't know who he is…I just know…it wasn't Finn, Quinn. It wasn't…."

Quinn swore her jaw dropped. "You don't know? What….?" Quinn shook her head as she licked her upper lip, trying to wrap her mind around what Rachel had just said. "What do you mean?"

"I…" Rachel continued to search Quinn's eyes as she felt hot tears continue to rush down her face. "I was out running…and then….and t-t-then…"

_She loved running at night, despite everything her older cousin always told her. The neighborhood she lived in was a nice one. The houses were big and beautiful. The people here all had real jobs like being doctors, lawyers, accountants and teachers. They were parents of kids who attended top rated schools in the county that were located a few blocks down. Nothing about this neighborhood made her feel scared or unsafe. Running at night wasn't scary here. It was peaceful. It was silent. The stars were bright and no one else was on the streets or pavement so running into anyone wasn't an option. This was the time for her and her music. She could run for miles and her mind would be rejuvenated. _

_Then it happened. In slow motion. She was falling to the ground, only she didn't trip over anything. Her earphones were being ripped from her ears as her phone flew just out of reach onto the pavement. She landed harshly onto the sidewalk, her wrist and nose breaking the fall with a loud thud as she slid into the cemented ground. There was an enormous weight on her back, one she couldn't get off. _

"_I caught you." A man's deep voice said with a chuckle causing Rachel's eyes to open wide in shock and fear. The man laying on her back suddenly had his hands between her legs as her face remained ground into the sidewalk. _

_He cupped her center in his palm. "Now you're gonna be mine."_

Rachel let out an ear piercing scream as an unexpected touch on her shoulder pulled her harshly from her flashback. She stumbled backwards a few steps, but thanks to Quinn she was able to remain standing. Quinn was looking at her with watery eyes and realization on her face. It was making her already upset stomach churn even more.

Rachel took another step away from Quinn once her footing was back. "I need to shower…" the words left her mouth barely above a whisper. She looked up into Quinn's eyes again and stood up a little taller. "I need to shower. I need to shower now." Her voice was more demanding and strong the second time.

Before Quinn could respond, Rachel began to limp towards the bathroom. She bit her lip to keep from crying out in pain with the quick pace she was forcing her sore and beaten body into. All she knew was that she needed to feel the hot water on her skin. She needed more than anything to get everything off of her: her clothes, the dirt and the stuff he left behind. The younger brunette reached into the shower and turned on the water with her uninjured hand. She reached back and began to try to remove her shirt but then cried out in pain as her wrist felt like it was on fire from simply trying to grab the edge of the shirt.

Quinn watched in sorrow as Rachel struggled. As soon as the girl screamed out she snapped into action and approached the younger girl. She gently placed her hand on her shoulder and turned Rachel around to face her. They spent a few seconds in silence with nothing but the sound of the running shower filling the room. Rachel wouldn't meet her eyes, not for more than two seconds at a time.

Quinn hated that she had to do this. "Rachel..." She breathed. "You can't change your mind if you take a shower now. You can change your mind if we go to the hospital.-"

"No. No hospitals-" Rachel tried to cut Quinn off but the blonde only continued.

"Once we get...once they do the...kit...you can decide if you want to continue the process of finding him and catching him or you can decide not to do anything. But if you shower now...you won't have that option later, either way you decide. You won't be able to go back. So I need you to take a few minutes to think about this before you jump into it."

Rachel hung her head. "I need to shower." Her voice was extremely quiet as tears ran down her face. "I need to get him off m-m-me."

Quinn gave a heavy sigh. "I know, I know sweetie." Just as the blonde reached out to grab Rachel's hand in her own, the younger girl quickly turned and emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet. Quinn couldn't help but shake her head as she watched Rachel heave again over the porcelain bowl. Rachel's confession was still swimming around in her head. She was raped, and she didn't know who it was. This was not how she had expected her night to turn, never in a million years could anything have ever led her to think that this was actually happen... again.

...

"I'm home! Thank god!" Santana's voice suddenly filled the apartment, followed by the sound of the front door slamming shut behind her.

Quinn looked over at Rachel and felt another wave of fear and anxiety spread over her again. The brunette had just finished throwing up again and was weakly shaking her head side to side, silently begging Quinn to somehow get rid of her cousin. The blonde could see that in Rachel's eyes, she didn't want her cousin to see her like this.

"Quinn? Are you in here?" A knock on the door brought Quinn's attention back to the closed bathroom door with a quick snap of her head.

"Yea...San...I am..." Quinn managed to choke out somehow before looking back at Rachel who had seemed to lose all the color from her face again.

Before Quinn could even think of what to say next, or even worry about protecting Rachel's trust while doing the right thing for her, Santana continued talking through the door.

"I'm surprised you are still awake. Your old ass is usually in bed by the time I get home from work." Santana said jokingly from outside the door. Even though her and Quinn were the same age, Santana always picked on her best friend's 'old lady tendencies'. She swore up and down that Quinn had a soul of an old woman. The brunette sighed as she leaned on the wall next to the closed bathroom door, "work dragged on today like crazy!"

Suddenly the noise of vomiting sounded through the door, causing Santana to pause and stand up straighter with perked ears. She didn't move and held her breath in order to have complete silence to see if maybe somehow her ears had heard something wrong. No. It happened again. The sound was definitely someone throwing up. Santana knocked on the door again. "Quinn are you okay?"

Quinn was holding Rachel's hair from the back of her neck as the young girl threw up yet again into the toilet, but her eyes were trained on the doorknob of her unlocked bathroom door. "San, don't!"

Too late. The door swung open.

"Oh my god, Rachel..." Santana's breath froze in her chest as her legs seemed to stop working. The sight of her cousin made the color drain from her face. It was like her brain's connection to the rest of her body was immediately severed.

"No...no..." Rachel's weak sobbing protests brought Santana from her stupor along with the awful sound of her little cousin's retching again into the toilet. The younger brunette didn't want her cousin to see her...not right now, and especially not like this.

Santana looked at Quinn, the look on the blonde's face was one of sympathy and sadness. The silent exchange told Santana more than words could have expressed in this moment. The older brunette finally made her legs work and sprung into action- quickly replacing Quinn's place holding Rachel's hair gently out of her face and rearranging the wet cloth that was placed on her neck.

"You're okay, Rach...let it out..." Santana coaxed gently to the heaving twenty three year old. The elder brunette leaned over in order to flush the toilet to clear the vomit and stench from the room again but immediately paused. She snapped her head over to Quinn with a worried expression on her face.

"What is it, San?" Quinn asked nervously from the look on her roommate's face.

"She's throwing up blood." Santana said quickly as she looked back into the toilet.

"What?!" Quinn practically yelled as she took a step toward the toilet again. "She hasn't been throwing up blood though..."

Santana snapped her head at her roommate. "That is blood Quinn!" She yelled. She wasn't meaning to raise her voice at her roommate and best friend but with the situation her emotions felt as if they were splattered everywhere and she couldn't find the right one to feel.

Quinn nodded her head as she looked at Santana. "I swear it hasn't been like that until just now..."

"How long has she been here throwing up, Quinn?" Santana snapped. Why wouldn't Quinn have called her to let her know that her little cousin was over at their apartment...sick?

Suddenly Rachel shook her head at her cousin's worried statement. She saw the dark red mixed in with her vomit but she didn't care. She knew by the sound of Santana's voice just what the brunette was thinking and she had absolutely no interest in it. She wasn't going to the hospital. No way, no how.

"I had red beans for dinner, San...it...it's not blood." Rachel pleaded weakly as her head rested on the toilet seat.

Santana shook her head. She couldn't help but roll her eyes at her cousin's pathetic attempt at an excuse. She leaned around so she could look her cousin in the face. She shouldn't have been surprised when Rachel immediately lowered her gaze in order to avoid her eyes but it took Santana an extra second to collect herself. She had to force the tears back from her eyes as she got a good look at Rachel's dirtied bruised face for the first time, but with a clear of her throat she was able to focus.

"Medical field," she stated strongly as she pointed at herself. "I work in it. That is blood...not red beans, sugar." She wrapped her arm around her gently. "Let's go."

"No, I'm fine," she said with a hiss as Santana attempted to help her up.

Santana was about to protest yet again but her hand made contact with Rachel's swollen wrist, causing the girl to cry out in pain.

"Rachel?" she asked as she looked at the wrist. "Were you in a car accident?" She briefly looked up over Rachel's head at Quinn. "Was she in a car accident?"

Rachel didn't give Quinn even a second to answer Santana's question, she redirected her cousin's attention back to herself. "I... um... That's old... it happened at dance..." referring to her throbbing wrist.

"Stop!" Santana snapped.

Rachel's eyes widened. "I'm not going to the hospital. I'm not!" she said as strongly as she could.

"Rachel, you're hurt. You have to."

"I can't."

"Rachel," she whispered. "Please-"

Rachel pulled away from her cousin weakly. "No..." she whispered. "I'm fine. I'm ... I'm fine."

She tried to stand up on her own and make her way toward the door only to stumble before Quinn reached out to break her fall. This time Quinn spoke up, breaking her silence. "Rachel, we have to go to the hospital-"

"No," she pushed away from the blonde but leaned back against the wall in exhaustion.

"Why?" Santana whispered as she reached Rachel and pressed her forehead against the twenty three year old's.

"I... can't," she whispered as she closed her eyes.

"Why?" Santana pressed again.

"I'm not ready," she whispered.

Santana furrowed her eyebrows. "Ready? Ready for what?" she said in a hushed tone.

Silence.

"To go through what you went through," Rachel finally whispered.

Santana frowned and pulled her head away from her younger cousin's. Her eyes searched Rachel's face. She looked past all the small scratches, the dried blood under her nose, and her split lip...she was looking for what the hell the twenty three year old had meant by that last statement. When Rachel refused to open her eyes, when Rachel's face hadn't given any more details as to what she meant, the brunette instantly snapped her head over to focus on her roommate who was standing silently next to them.

Quinn felt her own eyes water at Rachel's whisper. Everything rushed at her at once; all the memories, emotions, and things that happened after that awful day of discovering that her best friend's boyfriend had beaten and raped her seemed to take over every fiber in her being. The thought of all of that alone was enough to bring tears to her eyes, but then to imagine having to do it all again but this time with Rachel was even more overwhelming. She couldn't hold Santana's gaze so she immediately dropped her head and focused on the tiled floor.

Santana's frown only deepened at the tears she had seen in Quinn's eyes. She thought about what Rachel had said again and repeated it in her head a few times before she looked back at the younger brunette who was still leaning against the wall with her eyes squeezed shut. She watched as Rachel tried to take long deep breaths in order to keep herself calm, but winced with every breath.

"What I went through?" Santana finally repeated out loud.

Then suddenly it felt like the world stopped turning. She gave her younger cousin a once over. Rachel's wrist was swollen and bruised. Besides the fallacies on Rachel's face, Santana noticed that her hair wasn't pulled back in her typical slicked back pony tail but rather was disheveled and matted. Rachel was hunched over and seemed to be in pain simply by the simple act of breathing. Rachel hadn't been in an accident... _'to go through what you went through'_ the words echoed again in Santana's head. She hadn't been in an accident at all.

Santana pulled away from her little cousin like she burned her, quick and sharply. "No." She said strongly as tears filled her own eyes. "No no nononono" Santana repeated quickly with a furious shake of her head. She felt so much anger swell within her in this very moment. Anger at the situation, the boy who did this to her but most of all anger towards the entire universe. How the hell had this happened to Rachel? Of all people... her little cousin didn't deserve this. At all. Suddenly she couldn't contain her anger anymore and her fist went flying into the wall next to Rachel; hard. "NO!" She screamed with the thud.

"Santana!" Quinn scolded in a shocked tone.

"Please no!" Rachel whimpered out before covering her face with her hands gingerly as she shook and began sobbing. This was why she didn't want her cousin to find out. She didn't want Santana to have to relive what she had already been through. She didn't want her to know that she had just experienced the same type of thing.

Santana shook out her hand and immediately regretted her harsh action thanks to Rachel's reaction. Forgetting the pain that she felt now in her knuckles, her little cousin was now cowering into herself crying because of her actions. Shit. Santana shook her head. She looked at Rachel softly. "You were...?" she couldn't finish the question. It was like her mouth was suddenly dry or that her tongue forgot how to work.

"I was raped." Rachel said softly from behind her hands with a sob. "I was...oh god. Santana," Rachel looked up out from behind her hands with tears streaming down her bruised face. "I was attacked and r-r-raped..."

Santana couldn't bear it... the anger that immediately overtook her made her feel like she was going to explode. She tore her eyes away from Rachel and quickly spun on her heel, taking a few very large powerful strides away from her younger cousin towards the bathroom door. She had to get out of the bathroom, she couldn't be in front of Rachel when she was this angry with the world. The older brunette's eyes breezed by Quinn's as the blonde continued to stand silently right next to the entrance of the bathroom. Quinn herself had tears streaming down her face. But it wasn't the tears that made Santana stop in her tracks... it was the fact that Quinn was standing tall, standing her ground, crying silently. Quinn hadn't turned and ran at this...horrendous news. She was standing there, being supportive as ever as her heart quietly broke, just like she had done five years ago when the same had happened to Santana herself.

This thought made Santana turn on her heel yet again. She was facing Rachel now and immediately at the sight of her the anger somehow subsided as remorse and sadness became her primary emotions. Santana didn't take a second before she quickly closed the distance between herself and her younger cousin as she pulled Rachel into a tight hug.

The pain Rachel was feeling from the tight embrace didn't matter, all that mattered in this moment was her cousin's arms wrapped around her. The twenty three year old knew that her cousin was the only reason she was standing right now...without her arms she would have collapsed to the floor. The sobs that were released from her mouth didn't even sound human as she quickly dampened Santana's shirt with her tears.

"Where is Finn right now?" Santana asked as she continued to rest her chin on the top of Rachel's head.

Rachel shook her head into her cousin as she continued to cry. "It...it w-wasn't h-h-him..." she somehow managed to choke out.

Santana took a deep breath before she tried again. "Rach, if you know where he is then you need to tell us. He needs to pay for... this."

Rachel pushed Santana away weakly and leaned back onto the bathroom wall. She shook her head as she wiped the tears off her face... not that there was a point in doing this since they were immediately replaced by fresh tears. "It wasn't Finn..."

"Rachel-"

"It wasn't Finn, Santana." Quinn said calmly cutting off her best friend, trying to help Rachel by answering as many questions as she could for the older brunette.

Santana stopped and shook her head. She ignored her roommate and focused on her cousin. "Don't you dare lie to protect him."

"It wasn't him..." Rachel repeated again, this time more strongly.

"Rachel!" Santana's voice was louder this time.

"San," Quinn scolded in a strong voice for her tone.

Santana shook off her friend's scolding and continued what she was going to say with her firey passion. "You can't lie about this Rachel! You said... you said..." She shook her head, not being able to bring herself to say what happened to her cousin out loud. "You can't protect him! He isn't worth it! Didn't you learn anything from my experience?"

"Finn isn't Matt! I'm not YOU!" Rachel suddenly shouted, shocking both other occupants of the room. Her own power behind her voice even seemed to startle her as she quickly deflated. She looked at Santana's pained face and it made her immediately regret her words. She had stunned her cousin into silence by the harshness of her words and the power of her delivery of them. It hurt too much to see the look on Santana's face so she immediately looked over towards Quinn whose face wasn't much easier to handle. The blonde's jaw was dropped due to the sudden outburst. "I...I'm not protecting anyone...I..." Rachel hung her head slowly. "I was just out jogging-"

"Jogging...?" Santana managed to ask quietly.

Rachel nodded silently, still avoiding her cousin's gaze. She suddenly looked up but looked past the older girls. "...I wouldn't have any answers to their questions...I ..." She lowered her head again. "I just...I just went out jogging."

"I don't...I don't... what?" Santana shook her head as she looked at Rachel with furrowed brows. She didn't understand what her cousin was saying. When Rachel refused to speak again, Santana looked towards Quinn for answers.

"She got here not too long ago, Santana. She-"

"You were jogging at night? Alone?" Santana suddenly asked as her eyes darted back towards Rachel.

"San..." Quinn said softly, urging her best friend to reel it in. Begging her silently to reel it in. When she had Santana's attention again, Quinn looked over at Rachel who leaned against the wall for support as her head hung low and tears continued to drip down her face. "She called and asked to come over, she got here... I..." Quinn shook her head at the memory of how she felt when she opened her front door to see how Rachel looked. "She told me... and then she...got sick...a couple times... and then you came home." The blonde let out a sigh. "She needs to go to the hospital, San."

"No! I told you! I've told both of you, NO!" Rachel found her voice again, but this time before she could lose control with her sudden outbursts of anger, Quinn was at her side.

Quinn gently tucked a piece of hair behind Rachel's ear. "You do need to go, if only to make sure you are okay and that nothing is broken." The blonde nodded towards the younger brunette's wrist, then to her torso, then lifted her chin to briefly look at the dried blood around Rachel's nostrils. "If... if you don't want a rape kit done than that's your choice-"

"Rachel, please listen to me. You want a rape kit." Santana pushed quickly in response to Quinn's option. If it wasn't for the rape kit that she had done than Matt would have probably gotten away with what he did. She wasn't going to let that happen to her baby cousin. This man needed to pay. And if Rachel was lying to protect her boyfriend...if it was Finn... then she needed his DNA collected and logged until she could somehow get something to compare it to: his toothbrush, a hair from his brush, a dirty cup, etc.

Rachel shook her head quickly before looking up at her cousin, only to realize that looking into her eyes hurt worse than her throbbing wrist did. "I don't."

"Rach-"

Quinn cut Santana off before she could begin. "Why don't we just head over to the hospital. Rachel, you're going to need to be...checked... you'll need to...get tested among other things...but whether or not you allow them to collect anything...that's completely and 100% up to you. Okay?"

Rachel couldn't answer. Tears clouded her eyes and sobs wracked her chest. How was this happening? Before she could comprehend what was happening, Rachel Berry was in Quinn's car on her way to the hospital with the blonde and her big cousin. A hospital visit that was needed because she was attacked...and raped.

...

A/N: Thoughts? Feedback? Feelings on each character? Reviews are love! Share it with me :) I dont think I'll have the next chapter up as quickly as I did this one... but you never know how motivated I'll get if there is a response ;)


	4. Chapter 3

**AN: Thank you for the reviews and PMs. Reminder: Anything in italics is a flashback. **

**Fair warning: This is a hefty chapter. Remember that this story is rated M. **

**Chapter 3**

"_You'll do what I say because I'm the man of the house," Matt said harshly into Santana's ear as he finished ripping Santana's shirt from her body with her hands pinned tightly in his large hand above her head._

"_Matt please..." Santana said through sobs. The same sobs she had been crying the past ten minutes while her boyfriend struck her face time and time again alternating between open handed slaps and closed fisted punches. She couldn't control the hysterical sobs that lept from deep within her chest._

"_You'll do what I say because you CAN'T say no to me! I don't HAVE to ASK you to have sex. You do it because I say so!"_

"_P-please... l-l-look what y-you're d-d-doing! Matt!" Santana tried to snap his attention into focus. _

_Matt grabbed her wrists tighter in his hand, causing her to let out a pained squeal. He lowered his mouth down to her exposed chest and bit down. Hard. _

_Santana let out a scream in response. The pain she felt was unreal, yet the feeling in her gut told her that it was only going to get worse. He was just getting started. She screamed for the pain she was feeling as his mouth gripped harshly onto her breast and she screamed for the pain she was sure she would be feeling for the next hour. _

_A swift stinging instantly filled her already swollen cheek, letting Santana know that she was slapped yet again. It stopped the scream mid breath. "I'm getting what I want. That's what I'm doing. I'm teaching you. This is a lesson. I won't ever be asking more than once again. This pain you're feeling? It will act as a reminder for the next time. I DO NOT ASK." Matt screamed an inch from her face before clamping his free hand tightly over the brunette's mouth. Not even a split second later he thrust into the helpless brunette completely. _

Santana shook her head violently as she squeezed her eyes shut, begging the flashback to go back where it came from. She couldn't think about this...not right now. She had to focus on Rachel, she had to focus on the present. The brunette paced back and forth as Rachel laid on her side uncomfortably on the crinkly exam table. They had all three been waiting in this exam room for what felt like hours.

"This is ridiculous. Where the fuck is the doctor? That nurse bitch said she would be in here in five minutes! It's been at least fifteen!" Santana mumbled angrily again.

"San," Quinn's warning tone and glare reminded Santana to calm down once again.

The blonde watched as Santana continued to pace quickly in the tiny space they were closed off in. Her arms were folded across her chest tightly. Her friend's face was unreadable, there were too many emotions flashing across it with every passing second to pin point exactly what feeling Santana was currently experiencing. Quinn changed her focus to Rachel, who had been laying silently without moving for the past forty five minutes, since they entered the room. Quinn sighed. Rachel had insisted that they not report her attack as a rape. She agreed to get an exam, not so willingly, as long as there were no cops. So a regular exam would have to do. Unfortunately, because there wasn't a "sense of urgency" it meant that they weren't of high priority for this exam. Once internal bleeding had been ruled out thanks to the CT Scan, and since she wasn't throwing up blood anymore it was like Rachel was last priority. The more Quinn watched the younger girl lay in silence the more it killed her as the seconds continued to tick by.

Finally the door opened and a bright and cheery older lady walked in, clad in light pink scrubs. She looked down at her clipboard then up at Santana and Quinn with a smile before she focused on Rachel, whose catatonic existence didn't seem to even phase her. She continued to smile brightly regardless of the extreme tension the room held.

"So I see Rachel here is looking for a pelvic exam along with a pap smear?" The doctor asked with her cheshire grin. When Rachel didn't answer the lady only furrowed her brows for a split second before changing her focus to Santana.

"Yes," Santana said through a tense jaw. She wanted to knock that smile right off this bimbos face. She wanted to yell and scream, she wanted to cry... she wanted to do just about everything but knew that it wasn't what was best for Rachel... or Quinn had reminded her over and over as they waited. So a simple 'yes' would have to do.

"Alrighty then! Rachel, change into this robe and then we'll be right back. Let's give her some privacy ladies." The doctor said with a too enthusiastic grin before she nodded at both Quinn and Santana to follow behind her and exit the room.

The older girls hesitated leaving Rachel alone before they got an encouraging nod from Rachel telling them that it was okay for them to leave, just for the few seconds it took to change into the paper gown. As soon as the door closed behind them the doctor walked down the hall with her clipboard and begun collecting more forms. As soon as the woman was out of earshot, Quinn turned toward Santana.

"San..." She started but then had to clear her voice in order to power through what she was about to say. The brunette was looking at her with hollow eyes. "I think you should wait in the waiting room, you don't need to be in there for this part."

"What?" Santana snapped her eyes to focus properly on the blonde. "No. Hell no. I'm...I need to be in there."

"Rachel needs you to be strong Santana."

"And I am being strong." The girl snapped back quickly.

Quinn let out a small sigh before taking a step closer towards her best friend and reaching up to rest her hand on the brunette's shoulder. "You are, yes... however this isn't something you need to do. I can do this. You... you aren't ready."

Santana searched Quinn's eyes. "It's been five years Quinn. Today," Santana let out an ironic laugh as she continued, "today makes five years. I work in a hospital for crying out loud. I've been around this. I'm fine."

"You aren't, Santana, and that's okay." The blonde looked over their shoulders at the closed door, knowing that they only had a few more seconds before she would need to go back into the room. "Rachel can see how much this is effecting you, and while I know she and I want you there... I think it would be best that...even if just for the exam... you wait in the waiting room."

"Quinn-"

Quinn shook her head and cut off her best friend. She reached up and wiped away a tear that made its way down Santana's face. "You can't do this... it's okay, Santana. It is completely okay... but you need to wait in the waiting room for this part. She needs you to wait in the waiting room. It is just an exam at this point. Once she is checked over I will come and get you. I promise, as soon as it's done."

Santana looked down at the floor in defeat. As much as she hated it, and she did, her best friend was right. "Right after?" she asked lowly as she wrapped her arms into her chest tightly. She suddenly felt extremely cold.

"Immediately after." Quinn said with a nod.

With a heavy sigh, Santana nodded her head and turned on her heel to start her slow progression to the waiting room. She felt so incredibly weak and pathetic in this gesture, but Quinn was right... and that was probably what was killing her the most right now as she walked away from the room that held her beaten little cousin. Five years had passed and she thought she had gotten herself under control but this happening to Rachel now? And today of all days? It's only opened the wounds and proved that they weren't healed. It feels like the wounds are infected and pulsating, and because of that Santana couldn't be more disappointed with herself.

Quinn watched as her best friend tried her best to keep it together. The brunette was wiping furiously at her cheeks in attempt to remove any evidence of tears. As soon as the brunette was enough steps away, Quinn took a deep breath and turned to face Rachel's door. She squeezed her eyes shut to take a minute for herself. She couldn't quite wrap her mind around all of this. She couldn't believe that it was happening again...to someone else she loved...to someone within the same family as before. The blonde shook her head, snapping herself out of it. She needed to get it together. This did happen, and it happened to Rachel. She needed to be strong for Rachel and have it together for her or else she didn't have any business being in the exam room either. Once she let out a deep steady breath Quinn placed her hand on the door knob and slowly entered the exam room.

...

How she managed to get her legs up into the stirrups, Rachel would never know. Things were becoming a blur as the night progressed. It was like she was losing chunks of time as her brain replayed the horrific experience over and over. However, the second she felt the instrument slip inside of her was the moment she snapped back to her present reality. Tears stung her eyes as she remained silent during the beginning part of the exam. The longer the doctor looked and poked around down there the harder it was for Rachel to contain herself. She was in so much pain... she had to know if she was okay, but the embarrassment of it all was too much.

"Stop! Stop! Please stop!" Rachel suddenly yelled as she released her now bleeding lip from her teeth. She was swatting her head side to side in protest as she tried to get the doctor doing the exam to stop what she was doing.

"Rachel, hey, look at me." Quinn's soothing voice broke through the now awkward silence that filled the room. The blonde stood up and was leaning over the side of the bed with one hand rested on the top of Rachel's sweating forehead and the other holding the younger brunette's hand.

"No..." Rachel's broken voice responded as she kept her eyes closed shut. "I can't." She sobbed. "I just...she needs to stop..." Rachel was referring to the woman who was now frozen at the end of the bed, in between her legs.

"Rachel, she is almost done, sweetheart. This is a pap smear, it'll be over soon. She'll-" Quinn was abruptly cut off.

"You don't understand!" Rachel cried out.

Quinn sighed, "Rach, you've done pap smears before, you can do this. I know you can do this. It won't take that much longer."

"No!" Rachel shook her head as thick tears fell down her face.

"Rach-"

"She's in the wrong part!" Rachel screamed, interrupting Quinn, before heavy sobs took over her body.

Quinn was ready to come back with more soothing words in order to get the younger girl to finish the exam only to pause when she realized what Rachel had said. She frowned and continued to look down at Rachel, trying desperately to read the brunette's face in order to determine what exactly she meant. Rachel's eyes were squeezed shut and the room was being filled with her sobs so Quinn wasn't able to get much more information.

"It's not the right..." Rachel trailed off between sobs. "It wasn't that way... it was... it was the other way..." The brunette ripped her hand from Quinn's and brought both of them up to cover her face as she began to sob hysterically into them. She couldn't look at the doctor, she couldn't look at Quinn.

Quinn swallowed the lump that was in her throat as she stared at Rachel with shock. She was not expecting this...not in the least. This felt like it had made things even worse...if that was even possible. "Rachel...are you saying...?"

The blonde couldn't bring herself to finish her sentence. She tore her eyes away from the sobbing girl to look at the doctor. She needed to know what to do here...she didn't know what to do. As soon as she met the doctor's eyes she knew that the woman could read her panicked expression. The woman gently removed the instrument and set it on the tray at her side. Rachel's sobs continued to echo through the room, her knees instantly drooped inward once the instrument was removed from her.

"Rachel," The doctor started as she stood up from her chair and gently rested her hand on one of Rachel's knees. "Was there penetration?" She was being overly gentle...she must have picked up on what was really going on here, without them even saying so.

All Quinn could do was look from the doctor to Rachel as they waited for Rachel's answer.

Rachel nodded her head as she continued to cry and hide behind her hands. This was the only way she was able to answer the woman's questions.

"Was there penetration in the area I was just examining?" The woman asked calmly as she continued to rest her hand on Rachel's knee.

Rachel shook her head. "No," she managed to croak out with a loud sob before she broke out into a fit of coughs from all the heavy crying.

"Oh God!" Quinn cried as she covered her mouth in shock. She took a step back away from Rachel and the exam table as tears instantly filled her eyes. Hearing one and two being put together was so much harder than just speculating.

The woman clad in scrubs shot Quinn a scowl which shook the blonde back into action to resume her spot at Rachel's side. The woman nodded her head sadly. "Okay sweetie, whenever you are ready I'm just going to have you turn on your side. You can take your feet down from the stirrups whenever you feel it is right. Once you are on your side I'm going to have you curl your knees into your chest, okay? We are just gonna take a look to check you out and make sure everything is okay. Okay?"

Nobody gave the doctor any form of acknowledgement. Quinn was too sucked into watching Rachel sob into her hands and Rachel was too consumed with embarrassing guilt that she couldn't calm her sobs long enough to answer. She didn't want to answer.

"Rachel?" The woman asked again gently.

"Rach?" Quinn asked, finally pulling herself together.

The young brunette slowly brought her hands down from her face and gently brought her eyes up to look into Quinn's, but as soon as they met she had to dart them somewhere else, anywhere else. She couldn't look directly into the blonde's eyes because it was too painful. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't tell you..." Rachel sobbed again. "I'm sorry...I just couldn't...I wasn't going to say anything...but then she-" Rachel cut herself off as she shakily pointed towards the nurse as another sob took the wind from her lungs. "She was in the wrong...oh God, I'm sorry, Quinnie... I'm so sorry-"

Quinn leaned down and gently brought Rachel's chin up to meet her eyes. "Rachel, sweetie, you have nothing...NOTHING to be sorry for. Absolutely nothing." When she saw Rachel's eyes soften Quinn found it in her to give the girl a small encouraging smile. "Let's get you on your side so we can make sure you are okay and then we can go home. Yea?"

Rachel's lip began to tremble as her eyes filled with even more tears. She looked back at the doctor one more time who gave her a nod as well before she closed her eyes. The twenty three year old drew in a deep breath while her eyes were closed in attempt to catch her breathing back to a normal pace. She was trying to will herself to turn onto her side, something she had to do in order to get the hell out of here and get back to her cousin's apartment which was where she really wanted to be.

Rachel finally nodded her head and slowly maneuvered herself onto her side, facing away from Quinn, carefully trying to avoid putting any pressure on her swollen wrist. With a few winces, she finally made it to her side, but then she paused. Pulling her legs up into her chest was the next step but it felt like a lot to ask for, especially in this moment.

Quinn saw Rachel's hesitation, she gently laid her hand on Rachel's upper arm supportingly. "You're doing good, Rach." The blonde looked at the doctor for guidance...she really didn't know what to do here. This...this news felt like a bomb, but she couldn't run from the blast. It felt like it was tearing off her flesh and ripping apart her insides but she couldn't let Rachel know that. If the young brunette knew how much that fact had effected Quinn, it would kill her. Quinn shook her head at her self. She couldn't believe how selfish she was being right now. While Rachel's admission felt awful to the blonde... it literally was physically, emotionally, and mentally awful for Rachel. She needed to pull herself together and do this.

"Come on, Rachel, you can do this," She spoke softly to the twenty three year old as the doctor joined Quinn, standing next to her as Rachel's back side was now facing them. "It's called fetal position...right? You've forced me to go to so many yoga classes now that I'm beginning to know the terminology..." Quinn felt herself smile a little as she continued. "I might as well get certified myself."

She wasn't sure if the talk about yoga did it, or if Quinn being her regular sarcastic self was responsible... but somehow Rachel had brought her knees up to her chest and had survived the quick exam with as few sobbing interruptions as possible. Her lip started bleeding again; biting it in order to keep from screaming out would cause that, but that pain was the least of it. Once she was allowed to cover herself again and given a pair of scrubs to cover her lower half, Quinn had held onto her hand firmly without letting go for even a second. The twenty three year old felt catatonic, tears were constantly rolling down her face but somehow it was like she wasn't really there.

The doctor cleared her throat as she looked at the two girls. "Rachel, you do have quite a bit of anal tearing as well as some bruising-"

Rachel let out a small sob as she leaned her head into Quinn's shoulder and closed her eyes. This was beyond embarrassing and she wanted it to be over. She wanted it all to be over.

Quinn immediately cut the doctor off at Rachel's small sob. "What does that mean? Is it bad? What is the next step-"

The doctor put her hand up, silently signaling Quinn to pause and take a deep breath in order to let her finish. "Rachel will be able to heal on her own. The tearing is on the severe side; however, it isn't something that will require surgery."

Rachel shook her head into Quinn's shoulder as she continued to cry.

Quinn looked down at the top of Rachel's head. "So she won't need surgery?" She squeezed Rachel's hand tighter in her own as she asked the woman to reiterate her previous statement for the younger girl.

"Correct, no surgery." The doctor nodded her head. She continued once Quinn was focused back on her. "I'm going to prescribe something for the pain and suggest buying a stool softener, and eating light foods for the next week or so, in order to give her body time to heal itself..."

Quinn nodded her head. "Okay, absolutely... is there anything else?"

The doctor gave Quinn a small smile. "No, we are done here..." she looked at her clipboard before looking back at the two girls. "The x-ray should be just about ready for Rachel so we can check on that wrist. I'm going to check on that and then afterwards she will be good to go once everything is looked over, barring any complications."

Quinn looked down at the top of Rachel's head again. "Rachel, do you have any questions?"

When the younger brunette didn't answer, the doctor took it upon herself to make her exit. She mentioned taking their time and then waiting in the waiting room until the x-ray technician came to get them whenever they were ready, she grabbed her clipboard and then closed the door behind her. Leaving the two in the room alone.

Quinn wrapped her arms around Rachel and pulled the twenty three year old into a firm hug, allowing her to continue to cry on her chest. Quinn knew from past experience, unfortunately, that there was nothing she could say right now to make Rachel feel better. Not that she would know what to say anyway. This was already so different than Santana's. Rachel was outside in the open when it happened. Rachel didn't know her attacker. And just a few minutes ago, Quinn found out that it was vastly more brutal than Santana's. The young brunette was forced to have anal? Quinn forced the bile she felt rising in her throat back down. Even thinking the WORD was awful. She dare not let her mind go to the actual physicality of it all. Now was the time to comfort Rachel, not lose the contents of her own stomach.

Rachel's small voice interrupted Quinn's thoughts. "Quinn...?"

Quinn tried to pull away from the embrace so she could look at the younger girl's face, but Rachel's solid grip wouldn't allow it. Rachel kept her head bowed and connected to Quinn's chest so she wouldn't have to make eye contact. "I'm here, sweet girl."

Rachel drew in an unsteady breath. "Will...w-will you tell San? I-I-I..." a sob escaped her mouth. "I can't do it..."

Quinn frowned. Again she tried to pull Rachel away to look into her eyes but again she wasn't allowed by the brunette. Quinn looked down at the top of Rachel's head again. "You want me to tell her..." the blonde licked her lips as she forced her mouth to produce the words, "that it was...that it wasn't the regular way?" Quinn rolled her eyes at herself, instantly disappointed in herself that she couldn't even make herself say the actual words of what actually happened. She hoped Rachel understood what she was getting at... although deep down she knew that the brunette did.

Rachel barely nodded her head into Quinn's chest. She hated this. She hated everything about this. She had never been this embarrassed in her life. "She's...she is going to find out somehow...a-a-and... I can't..." Rachel sobbed again as she squeezed Quinn tighter. "I can't let her find out later. I...I don't..." Rachel shook her head. "I don't know h-h-how to say it...Please... I just...I c-c-can't do it. But... but I need to."

Quinn gave Rachel a tighter squeeze. "Okay. Okay, I'll do it." She nodded her head into Rachel's as she repeated herself. "I'll do it for you, hun."

...

Santana sat in the uncomfortable chair, bouncing her knee nervously as she waited what felt like hours for Rachel and Quinn to join her. Every so often she looked over at the germ infested oversized woman that kept spraying her germs everywhere in order to distract herself, but that wouldn't last long as soon she found her eyes would be staring at the entrance to the waiting room all over again.

"What's taking so god damn long?" Santana mumbled to herself as she attempted to take a long deep breath to keep her nerves in check.

As if on command she saw her best friend appear around the corner. The brunette shot up from her seat and made a direct beeline across the room, stopping directly in front of Quinn. "Thank god, that felt like it lasted forever." Santana let out a steadying breath as she attempted to slow her racing heart. She instantly stopped as she realized that Rachel wasn't appearing around the corner behind Quinn.

The brunette frowned as she met her best friend's eyes. "Where is Rachel?"

Quinn looked into her best friend's eyes. "She's," she cleared her throat. "She's getting dressed again."

Santana nodded her head as she chewed on her lip, but then she froze. There was something in Quinn's eyes. Something that Quinn wasn't saying. Santana released her lip from her teeth. "What is it?"

The blonde let out a small sigh, here it goes. "Santana... I...I need to tell you something." Quinn looked over her shoulder in the direction of the closed door that she couldn't see but knew Rachel was behind. "Rachel...she wanted me to tell you something. She um...she said she couldn't do it."

Santana's face dropped instantly, along with her stomach. She felt like she was going to throw up, but she didn't even know why yet. "What is it? Is she okay?"

Quinn didn't know how to answer Santana's question. She shrugged her shoulders slowly. "You know that that isn't a good question to ask right now, San."

Santana rolled her eyes and nodded her head. Quinn was right. Absolutely right. She did know this. First hand. Santana smacked herself in the forehead lightly before looking back up at Quinn. "You're right." She took a deep breath. "What did she want you to tell me?"

Quinn searched Santana's eyes. There wasn't going to be any easy way to break this news, there wasn't an easy way to even say the words. They were going to be extremely hard to get off her tongue. "Why don't we sit down first..."

"Quinn, don't you dare do that! Don't do that!" Santana was breathing heavily. She needed Quinn to just say whatever the hell she was going to say. This prolonging was killing her.

Quinn sighed as she gathered every ounce of courage she had in her to deliver this message. She couldn't tiptoe around it. It just needed to be said. Rip off the bandaid. "He sodomized her."

Santana stumbled backwards a few steps. "What?" She breathed the rhetorical question barely above a whisper.

Quinn chewed on her lip nervously as tears clouded her own eyes. All she could do was nod her head in order to confirm her last statement for Santana. Saying it again wasn't possible, not right now.

Santana shook her head again, her brows furrowed questioningly as she looked at Quinn.

The blonde slowly opened her mouth, "He-"

Santana put her hand up stopping her best friend from going on. "I know what that means!" She didn't need Quinn to explain it any further. Santana shook her head fiercely as she put her hands on her knees. She felt like the wind was kicked out of her. She took a few deep breaths as she remained hunched over. The room felt like it was spinning wildly beneath her.

Without warning Santana broke out into a sprint towards Rachel's exam room barely giving Quinn time to protest before she reached the exam room door. Santana felt Quinn on her heels just as she threw open Rachel's door, but she ignored her best friend.

The door slamming open made Rachel nearly jump out of her skin. She had just pulled on the change of clothes that Santana had brought for her when the sound of the door slamming against the wall made her heart freeze in her chest. The twenty three year old rested her hand over her heart when her brain finally realized that it was Santana standing in the door frame and not the stranger that had attacked her. She let out a small breath of relief as she felt her lungs filling with air again, but the relief was short lived when she noticed her cousin's angry face.

Immediately after the door hit the wall, Santana took two large steps to bring her closer to Rachel. She could feel herself shaking with fury. She hadn't even had a chance to register that Quinn had closed the door again, closing the three of them off in the exam room. She was so angry, she couldn't control herself.

Rachel felt her shoulders hunch over even more as she took in her older cousin's angry form. She eyeballed Quinn quickly, unable to register what the blonde's face had silently said before she refocused on the brunette. "San?" Her voice was so broken and quiet... she almost didn't recognize it as her own.

"I told you not to go running at night! I TOLD YOU!" Santana shouted through her tears. When did the tears appear on her face? "Why didn't you just fucking listen to me?!"

"Santana!" Quinn scolded as she attempted to grab her friend's arm but was quickly shrugged away. Quinn swore her jaw nearly hit the floor from dropping open in shock. This was NOT what she had expected from her best friend.

Santana didn't even let a second go by before she started yelling again. "I don't just tell you things for the hell of it Rachel! You shouldn't have been running alone at night! I have TOLD you this over and over! This wouldn't have happened if you had LISTENED TO ME! Why would you choose to do this to yourself!?" Santana was in Rachel's face screaming, as the younger brunette was doing her best to cower away from the screaming.

"Santana that is ENOUGH!" Quinn raised her voice to meet her best friend's ferocious level. The blonde grabbed her best friend's shoulder and shoved her backwards as she stepped in between her and Rachel. "What the HELL do you think you are doing?" The blonde growled lowly to Santana.

Santana shoved her friend's arms off of her own. "Stay out of this Quinn!"

All the blonde could hear was Rachel crying behind her. Quinn shoved Santana back into the wall again. "No! That is ENOUGH. Get a hold of yourself Santana! Do you hear yourself?"

Santana opened her mouth to give her best friend a piece of her mind, but instead a sob came out. The tears streaming down her face registered in her mind again; the sob reminding her that they were there. Santana used the back of her hand to swat at her face in a failed attempt to dry her cheeks; however, the tears she had managed to wipe free were just quickly replaced with more.

Quinn continued to look into Santana's eyes. She lowered her voice and spoke evenly and directly to her. "Reign. It. In."

The older brunette faltered under Quinn's intense glare, allowing her eyes to fall past the blonde and onto her younger cousin. Her heart was still racing with this new news. She was angry. It was all making her so so so fucking angry. The brunette shook her head as she tossed her hands in the air. She turned on her heel and marched back towards the door. Santana threw the door open before quickly marching out, not saying another word and leaving a crying Rachel in her wake.

Quinn sighed as the door automatically closed behind her best friend. Alone with Rachel again the blonde turned to face the crying girl. The brunette had her hand covering her mouth as she leaned on the exam table for support. She was hunched over crying into her hand. With a sigh, Quinn approached Rachel and collected her into a hug. Thankful for the support, Rachel leaned all her weight into her older friend and continued to cry into the blonde's shoulder again.

"She's r-right."

Quinn shook her head. "No. She is not."

"She's so mad at me..."

"No," Quinn answered honestly. "She isn't mad at you...she's just mad..." Quinn trailed off. She thought she had to add something to finish that sentence but then quickly realized that the sentence was complete on it's own.

...

**AN: Thoughts, comments, questions, concerns? Let me know! Review :) Thanks for reading!**


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you all for the feedback! Helped me crank out this chapter more quickly! All the PMs and the comments were very much loved and appreciated! I know some of you are upset with Santana, that is totally fine. This chapter will go more into her character as well. This chapter actually has a lot in it, so I hope you like it!**

**Ok enough rambling, on with this next chapter. Please let me know what you think. :) Sorry for any errors!**

**Chapter 4**

Rachel leaned against Quinn's shoulder as they sat in the uncomfortable waiting room chairs. They were told to wait as the doctor finished up with her paperwork and prescription papers. Her CT scan came back clean earlier and with her exam done and the x-ray finished all that was left to do was wait. Rachel cradled her wrist into her chest. It was wrapped tightly and was told the sprain wouldn't take too long to heal, but the throbbing hadn't seemed to die down even the slightest. To say she felt exhausted was an understatement. Although, being tired was the least of her concerns right now. Her eyes welled up with tears yet again, she didn't bother wiping the few that rolled down her cheek. She stopped trying to wipe them when her tears decided that there was a never ending supply. The twenty three year old snuggled her head further into Quinn's shoulder, trying to get as comfortable as possible...if it was even possible.

She lifted her eyes slightly to look at Santana who was sitting in the chair directly across from her and Quinn. As soon as she looked at the older brunette's face her eyes locked with Santana's. She quickly darted her eyes back down at the floor, again. She had been doing the same thing over and over for the past ten minutes that they had been waiting...every time Rachel looked up, Santana's eyes were already on her. It was like her cousin's eyes were glued to her, like she couldn't look away. However, since Rachel knew that Quinn had told Santana about what occurred during her attack...and since the screaming match in the exam room, Rachel couldn't bare to hold Santana's gaze.

Even though she only could bare a glimpse at them for a brief second at a time, the look in Santana's eyes were familiar to Rachel. As the twenty three year old continued to study the tiled floor again she couldn't help but have her mind travel to five years ago. The look Santana's eyes now held were familiar because she had the same look that her own brown eyes had held five years prior as she looked at an injured Santana. She remembered not being able to look away from her cousin either, no matter how much she wanted to. Her eyes had been glued to Santana's swollen face and every chance she got she tried to look into Santana's eyes to try to get a reading as to what the older girl was feeling or thinking. Rachel remembered the feeling she felt as she looked at her emotionally and physically drained cousin. She remembered how much it hurt her to see Santana in so much pain and turmoil. Knowing how she had felt five years ago for Santana made her feel even worse in this moment. She knew first hand how she was making her cousin feel right now... only for Santana it was worse because _she_ knew exactly how Rachel felt right now too...and because of that, Rachel hated herself for putting Santana through that again.

_Santana's cell phone started ringing causing both the twenty one year olds to jump. Santana winced as she pulled the ice pack away from her eye, the flinch had caused her to push it onto the bruising wound making it throb even more. Quinn took large strides to reach her best friend's phone, prepared to go off on and threaten Matt if he was the one calling, but she quickly had to let out a breath as she brought the phone to her eyes. _

"_Rachel is calling you..." Quinn turned and held her best friend's phone out towards Santana. When the brunette hesitated Quinn shrugged. "Do you want me to answer it?"_

_Santana felt her lip tremble as her eyes welled with tears. She quickly shook her head in response...allowing the phone to ring it's final ring. She couldn't talk to her cousin right now, not without falling apart. _

_Quinn saw the immediate stress that Santana took on because of Rachel's missed call. She saw the tears resurface in her best friend's eyes. "It's okay, San." With a small shrug Quinn tried to offer some support. "I'm sure she'll leave a voicemail if-"_

_Santana's phone started ringing again. Rachel was calling back. A gut wrenching feeling suddenly struck Santana to her core. She was on edge, for obvious reasons...and had no reason to believe that Rachel was in trouble, especially since the teenager tended to call back to back in order to get her attention but she had this feeling, this terrible feeling. If she had taken a second to think about it logically she would have dismissed the bad feeling as what she would assume would be a normal feeling for someone who was in the position she was currently in. But she didn't take a second. Without giving it a second thought she reached out and grabbed the phone from her best friend and immediately answered it._

"_Rachel?"_

"_Hey cuzzo," Rachel's bubbly voice came through the phone._

"_Are you okay?" Santana quickly answered. _

"_Yea of course I am, just got out of the hell hole...why didn't you warn me that senior year was such a drag." A dramatic sigh followed. "What's up? What are you doin'?" The eighteen year old responded nonchalantly. _

_Once the worry was gone it was like all of Santana's wild emotions piled back on top of her just as they had been prior to answering the phone. "I'm...I'm um... Now...now isn't really a good time, Rach." Santana attempted to hold herself together as best she could so she didn't tip off that something was wrong. _

"_Oh! Are you still at work? My bad you usually-"_

"_No... no, it's nothing... nothing like that." Santana pulled the phone away from her face as she let out a quivering breath. She brought it back into her ear gingerly just in time to hear Rachel's next question._

"_So... why can't you talk?" Rachel asked again. Then a lightbulb went off. "Ohhhh, are you and Matt out to an early dinner or something? Did he remember your anniversary after all?"_

"_No." The brunette chewed her lip. "Rachel," Santana breathed out a slow breath in order to keep her sobs contained. Hearing her younger cousin's voice wasn't something that was making this easier right now. Hearing Rachel say her boyfriend's name was almost unbearable. "I need to let you go. I... I can't talk right now."_

"_Ugh, you're lame. Well can you at least tell me if you're gonna be home soon or not?"_

_Santana bit her already swollen lip to keep from completely breaking down. The pain of her lip actually gave her a distraction, but only for a second as her brain processed why her lip hurt in the first place. She needed to get off the phone with her cousin and she needed to get off of it now. _

_Santana eyeballed Quinn who gave her a reassuring nod as she kept her place standing firmly in front of the brunette. As the twenty one year old gripped the phone tighter in her hand she finally answered Rachel's question. "Um... no...I'm not."_

"_Damnit," Rachel's eye rolling could basically be heard through the phone from the tone in her voice. "I got out of school and wanted to go grab Breadsticks with you. I figured you'd be home from work...you usually are on Tuesdays by the time I'm out of school." Rachel sucked her teeth dramatically. "Well this sucks, I've been waiting in my car outside of your and Matt's apartment for a while and..."_

_Santana felt as if the color drained from her face instantly, and by the look on Quinn's face she knew for a fact that it had. Her eyes locked with Quinn's as she felt the world start to spin. She couldn't answer Quinn's silent questions all she could do was cut Rachel off, "You're at my apartment?"_

"_Uh...yea?" Rachel rolled her eyes again at how rude her cousin had been to cut her off mid sentence. "Like I was saying, if Matt is gonna be home soon then I'll just hang out here with him until you get home from wherever-"_

_Santana instantly darted up from her chair, hissing wildly in pain from the movement but not giving a single damn at this very moment. Quinn, who had been leaning her ear into the phone to figure out what was going on nearly stumbled backwards from the sudden movement. "You need to get away from that apartment RIGHT NOW Rachel!" Santana all but yelled into the phone, cutting off the teenager yet again. The thought of Matt coming home, the thought of her being in that apartment, the thought of her seeing the blood and the mess, the thought of Matt laying even a finger on Rachel all made her want to puke. _

"_Woah, find your chill, San. What gives?" Rachel frowned into the phone. She had never heard her cousin sound so...hysterical? She couldn't even be sure that was what you would call how Santana was acting right now._

_Santana felt the tears freely falling down her face as she felt her chest grow tighter and tighter with worry and panic. She lowered her voice and began begging. "Please...please Rachel. Put your car in reverse and get away from there. Please!" A loud sob escaped her lips as she continued to beg into the phone. "Please, oh god!"_

_Not being able to handle her friend's freak out any longer, Quinn ripped the cellphone from Santana's hands. She ordered Santana to sit down and finally focused her attention to the phone once she was sure that Santana was back in her chair. Santana's loud sobs filled the room, tearing away at Quinn's heart. She needed to explain to Rachel quickly so she could go back to her best friend. _

"_San? Hello? What's going on? Hello?" Rachel's worried voice forced Quinn to focus on the phone again._

"_Rachel, it's Quinn-"_

_Rachel cut the blonde off. "What the hell is wrong with my cousin?"_

_Quinn looked over her shoulder at her best friend who was sobbing into her hand, hunched over in the chair as sobs shook her entire body. The blonde took a few steps away from Santana so she could hopefully save Rachel from hearing the sobs through the phone. The next time Quinn opened her mouth, she made sure that her voice and tone sounded calm and collected. She didn't need Rachel freaking out, especially if she was about to drive, but at the same time she needed her to get away from Santana's apartment because like Santana, Quinn wasn't sure when that animal of a man would return. Rachel being there when he did wasn't an option. _

"_Rachel, we are at my apartment.-"_

"_Well what is wrong with Sanny? She sounds... she sounds..." Rachel shook her head as her heart continued to beat wildly in her chest. She didn't have a word to describe how her cousin's voice and cries and pleas had sounded. _

_Quinn nodded her head. "Listen, Rach. We are at my apartment. Why don't you head over here and San and I can explain everything. Okay?" She made sure she spoke slowly, hoping that at least her calm tone would relax the frantic eighteen year old._

After hanging up the phone with Santana and Quinn that day, Rachel had had no idea how much her life was about to change. That phone call had changed everything she thought she knew about the world. Once she had arrived at Quinn's apartment the sight of her then twenty one year old cousin had made her heart stop. It wasn't just the injuries that had startled her... it was the look that her eyes had held. Santana's eyes from that day had been ingrained into Rachel's memory forever. Never would she have ever expected her eyes to have the same look...yet here she was...five years later... Rachel was willing to bet that if she looked into a mirror right now... Santana's eyes would be staring back.

...

"I um...I need to use the restroom before we head back to the apartment." Santana suddenly said as soon as the doctor finished handing over the finalized paperwork and filled prescriptions.

Quinn looked after Santana as the brunette headed toward the bathroom without a second's pause. She looked over her shoulder at Rachel who was still seated in the same chair with the same catatonic look in her eyes as tears continued to silently fall down her cheeks. The blonde sighed and then cleared her throat as she addressed the younger girl. "I...I'm going to run to the bathroom really quickly too, will you be okay here?"

Rachel barely registered what Quinn said. She nodded her head slowly.

Quinn nodded in response after looking over the waiting area one more time to make sure she felt okay leaving the broken girl, even if it was for a minute or two. Once she was satisfied with the company that surrounded Rachel and the nosy hospital staff that were constantly looking away from their desks over at the girl, Quinn hurried after where her best friend had previously walked.

Quinn entered the bathroom, quickly shutting the door behind her. She instantly saw Santana leaning over a sink, her face dripping wet from splashing water on herself. Santana was staring at herself in the mirror as she gripped the edge of the sink while the water continued to run from the faucet. The blonde took a few large steps to quickly reach her best friend's side. "That was not okay," she said firmly, knowing that she didn't need to be specific, knowing that Santana knew what exactly she was referring to.

"I know." Santana didn't look away from the mirror or even flinch.

Quinn shook her head and quickly reached across the brunette to turn off the rushing faucet. "No." She stated harshly to get her friend's attention. "It was not okay at all."

Santana felt herself slump. She gripped onto the sink tighter in order to ensure that she would remain standing, but she wasn't too entirely sure that she would if she were to let go. Tears instantly filled her eyes. She looked over at Quinn as she slowly nodded her head in agreeance. Her lip quivered. "I'm sorry."

Quinn felt her heart break. This was such an incredibly terrible awful situation. It was so incredibly tricky and complicated and she hated every bit of it. She obviously felt for her best friend. She had stood by her the past five years and was there every second Santana needed, even the ones she didn't think she needed her, and advocated on her behalf. She sighed as she took in how broken her best friend looked in this moment yet again, and she almost gave in, not wanting to be harsh with Santana in this moment, until she thought about the other broken girl waiting in the waiting room for them. Quinn slowly shook her head. She would always advocate for Santana but now...now she needed to advocate for Rachel. Now... unfortunately...it was Rachel's turn. And because of this, Quinn had to stand her ground. She had to talk about what happened in the exam room. She had to make sure that Santana wouldn't ever do that again, no matter how through the roof her emotions were.

"I know you are sorry, San." Quinn sighed. "But listen, you shouldn't be apologizing to me. I'm not the one you..." Quinn trailed off as Santana's hurtful words filtered through her brain again from a mere half hour prior. She gritted her teeth as the echo of the words still hurt her ears, which only made the disappointment and anger stronger. She looked her best friend in the eyes. "Santana, I can't believe you said what you said. I can't believe you even insinuated that she would choose for this to happen to her..."

"I...I..." Santana shook her head as she remembered her own words. They shocked her into silence. The truth was, she couldn't even believe that she had said them either.

"I was shocked by you, San. I really was." Quinn continued on. "I... I can't imagine how hard this is for you right now, I really can't. But... San..." she looked her in the eyes. "You CAN imagine how hard this is for her. She needs you. You're her cousin... you... you've..." Quinn sighed as she tried to think how best to phrase this. "You can help her in ways that I can't."

Santana looked down from Quinn's gaze. "I...I haven't said anything because...nothing I say now is going to make what I said okay. She's going to remember what I said for the rest of her life. I...I'm s-s-so mad at myself right now, Quinn..." tears rolled down her cheeks as her voice cracked.

The blonde reached over and wiped a few tears from Santana's face. She felt a ball in her own throat, threatening to bring on waterworks of her own, but she pushed it back down. Now wasn't the time. "I know San. I know you are but right now we need to channel that to helping Rachel. Your anger isn't going to help her... she needs you."

"She doesn't want me-"

"Of course she does. Don't be ridiculous. She always wants you. You need to pull your anger away for another time...somehow someway, find a way and do it. There isn't room for it right now, not at the situation, not at yourself not at what you've said. As soon as we walk out of that door and back towards Rachel, our entire focus needs to be on helping her reach her next step, whatever that may be. And San?"

Santana raised her eyebrows as she finished wiping her face free of tears.

"Find a way to apologize, if she is ready to hear it... but also..." Quinn bit her lip before continuing, "don't be shocked if she doesn't want to hear it."

Santana bit her own lip as she hung her head. She really fucked this up. With a slow nod she showed Quinn that she understood.

...

The three of them arrived back to the older girls' apartment and sat on the couch in silence, Rachel stared forward blankly, Santana's eyes didn't leave Rachel's and Quinn alternated her worried gaze between the two. No one knew what to say, or how to break the silence. Rachel didn't want to have her statement taken while she was at the clinic. She refused to let the cops get involved, and the older two girls didn't know how to convince her otherwise. Everyone was stuck in their own heads, thinking about everything that had happened within the past couple hours. All of them couldn't believe that this same time yesterday, life was normal; now everything felt like it was upside down... again.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you Rachel," Santana broke the silence. "I didn't mean-"

"I know." Rachel answered quickly without turning her head or even acknowledging her cousin.

"I shouldn't have yelled at you," Santana said with a shake of her head, her eyes still trained on her little cousin's.

"I know." Rachel said again.

Santana sighed and willed the tears in her eyes away. "I was just...after Quinn told me what happened to you..." She shook her head and continued shakily. "After she told me what you had told the doctor-"

"I know, Santana." Rachel's voice was a little more strong this time. There was a pinch of warning behind her words now. She needed her cousin to shut up.

"San..." Quinn tried next to her on the couch. She could see Rachel getting worked up again, and she could also see that Santana wasn't done saying what she wanted to say. This wasn't going to work out well.

Santana continued, despite Rachel's raised tone. "I was angry... I wasn't angry at you, but I took it out on you and I am sorry. I shouldn't have. I...This wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault at all..." The brunette shook her head and wiped a lone tear from her face before it could trickle all the way down her cheek. "My anger for whoever did that to you consumed me. I saw red and couldn't stop myself. I know that's not an excuse but-"

Rachel snapped her head over at her cousin. "I know Santana! Just SHUT UP!" The young girl's voice echoed off the walls of the apartment. Once the yelling seemed to subside a complete silence took its place. No one, including Rachel, had expected her to yell like that.

Rachel let out a quivering breath before she lowered her head down into her unwrapped hand with a hiccuped sob. "Please... please stop." She pleaded quietly before she started crying for what felt like the hundredth time that night.

Once Santana recovered from the shock of Rachel's strong yelling, she sighed heavily as she rested her head in her own hands. Eventually Rachel's crying settled down again, and the girl went back to staring silently at the wall in front of her. Santana picked her head up and looked over at Rachel once again. "You didn't get to see his face? Or what he was wearing? Anything?"

Rachel squeezed her eyes closed in response. The questions were too much for her.

"Santana..." Quinn's voice warned her friend quietly. She nodded her head in Rachel's direction, urging the older brunette to see how tense Rachel now was with her eyes tightly shut.

Santana felt her shoulders sag. She knew she shouldn't be pressing Rachel like this...but at the same time she also knew that she needed to get Rachel to talk about it. Quinn had pushed her five years ago...and although saying it outloud felt like her stomach was being stabbed, she was able to look back now and was grateful for the push. Somehow having Quinn know what happened, helped her start to heal. It also helped Quinn know what to say or do, or what not to say or do. They needed that now with Rachel. She needed Rachel to tell her, no matter how hard it was for her to hear.

"He didn't say anything at all?" Santana tried again.

Rachel felt her chin quiver as she thought about what his voice sounded like. She ignored the scuffled sounds of what she could only assume was Quinn kicking Santana for ignoring her warning. With her eyes still shut Rachel felt the words tumble out of her mouth. "He only said that he was going to put me in my place before he..."

_The pain was instant. It ripped through her body, she swore she felt the sensation through her ears and toes. She couldn't control the scream that escaped her throat, only it was muffled by the gloved hand that was tightly gripping her mouth. He moved in and out without pausing for even a few seconds. Any hope of her body 'getting used to it' was gone. _

_He was lying on top of her, pulling her cheeks apart with one hand while keeping her screaming muted with the other as he panted in her ear. She couldn't move, she couldn't think... all she could do was hope for it to be over soon. The pain was so intense it was like her brain wasn't able to do anything but receive all the nerves' signals. She clawed at the cement, trying to grip onto anything in order to keep herself from moving into his thrusts. Each grunt and groan he released into her ear made her gag._

"Rachel, sweetie?" Quinn's voice brought Rachel back to the present with a quick snap of her head.

Rachel's eyes snapped open where she met the worried glances of both Quinn and Santana. The younger brunette took in a deep breath which made her realize that she hadn't been breathing for the past minute or so. As soon as she got air into her lungs she noticed her heart was racing and her cheeks were covered in tears.

"Rach?" Quinn tried again. Her and Santana were both too nervous to physically shake Rachel from her very evident flashback.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." Rachel said quickly as she looked directly into Santana's eyes through her tear filled vision.

Santana didn't break the eye contact she held with Rachel. They sat in silence for a few seconds, staring at each other, reading each other's eyes. Finally Santana spoke. "Okay..." She nodded her head slowly as she let out a small sigh. "Okay."

...

Quinn lay in bed, her head much too full of everything to even think about shutting off to get some sleep. The apartment was silent around her. She had just finished checking on Rachel for what felt like the 30th time for the night, and still she was fighting another urge to go check on the younger brunette yet again. The blonde shook her head and coached herself to stay under the covers. Rachel had been asleep the last time she checked, not soundly...she was tossing and turning and whimpering which broke her heart, but asleep nonetheless.

The twenty three year old had refused to sleep in neither Santana or Quinn's bed. Both of the older girls had offered her to sleep with one of them, or even to give up their room so she could have a bed to herself if that was what she had wanted; Rachel refused all of the offers. She insisted that she stay on the couch. She had refused to get off of it since they had arrived back from the hospital. She wouldn't even let Quinn nor Santana put the blankets and pillows down in order to make a make-shift bed. She had spent the rest of the night silently crying, ignoring and refusing any more conversation or questions, and eventually yelled at the older two to leave her alone to go to bed. No food, no changing clothes, not even a shower. It was like Rachel couldn't bring herself to do anything but cry.

Quinn turned over in her bed again, in attempt to get comfortable so maybe her mind could stop racing and she could finally get some sleep. However, as soon as she turned her eyes rested on her cracked bedroom door in which she had to fight yet another urge to go check on Rachel again. She sighed heavily as she swatted at her pillow before forcing her eyes shut. Suddenly, Quinn heard the front door open and then close quietly. She frowned. That was what she had heard right? Her eyes shot open.

The blonde sat up in her bed and perked her ears to try to hear anything else. They had locked the front door. Both her and San must have checked it at least 20 times each before finally departing to their bedrooms. Without realizing it, Quinn had tossed back the covers and slowly made her way out to the main room yet again. She looked over at the couch and saw that Rachel was still there whimpering in her sleep with a creased brow. The blonde turned her attention back to the front door again and made her way to it quickly, pausing outside of Santana's room before reaching for the front door she noticed that the brunette's bed was empty through her open door. With a heavy sigh, Quinn refocused on the front door again and made her way out of it, closing it quietly behind her.

She looked down the hall and saw Santana's back walking away from the building. Quinn shook her head. How the hell could Santana have yelled at Rachel for running in the night and then go off on her own at 4 A.M. herself? Especially after the night they all have had? Quinn pressed on her temples, she was so exhausted and while she couldn't sleep...running after her best friend into the night wasn't something that was on the top of her list at the moment. But of course she wouldn't ever think of turning her back on Santana. She never had and never would. Period. The blonde started in the direction after the brunette with another sigh. She just wanted this night to be over, for all of them.

Once they got further away from their building, Quinn finally put an extra pep to her step to catch up to Santana. "What do you think you're doing, San?"

"I don't know!" Santana screamed as she stomped her foot and turned around to face the blonde. "I have NO clue what the fuck I'm doing Quinn!"

The cracking and brokenness of the brunette's voice instantly made Quinn calm her tone, as she felt her shoulders sink with sadness. "San-"

"NO!" Santana shook her head and cut off her best friend before she could continue. "I can barely handle my own shit and now it's happened to Rachel? To fucking RACHEL! Quinn!" The brunette slammed her head into her hands. "What the fuck is wrong with this fucking world!"

"San, sweetie, lower your voice..."

Santana looked up at the blonde with vulnerable eyes, tears clouding them completely. "Some lunatic...whose running around out there on the loose...r-raped my little cousin. He..." She shook her head. "I know what that feels like...only hers is even worse a-a-and..." Santana hiccuped a sob. "I never ever wanted that for her..."

"Of course you didn't." Quinn said gently with a nod as she took another step closer to her best friend.

"It's been five years and I'm still paralyzed. I can only imagine... she...she doesn't even have a face to put to her attacker... she..." Santana swatted angrily at the tears that ran down her face before she shook her head fiercely. "Every time I'm out in public now I'm going to be looking for the man that did this...horrendous...thing to her, only EVERY man is a suspect. He could be her next door neighbor... hell! He could be our next door neighbor for crying out loud! We aren't going to know! She...she might never know!"

Quinn nodded her head silently as the truth of her friend's upsetting rant sunk in. She could see by Santana's trembling hands and quivering chin that her best friend was on the brink of a hysterical breakdown. But deep down, Quinn already knew this was bound to happen. She knew from the second she saw that Santana's bed was empty that the reason the brunette had fled the apartment was so she could cry and not wake Rachel. She didn't want her little cousin to think that what happened to her had brought back Santana's own demons... but of course it had. How could it not?

"A-a-and I promised Tia Shelby that I would protect her and watch out for her...god! I fucked up! I...I didn't...I failed..."

Quinn shook her head rapidly at the shift in thoughts. "No, San. Rachel's mom isn't going to blame you. She would never do that."

"She should."

"No. She shouldn't. She won't-"

"I promised her."

"You promised your aunt that you would take care of her when she needed it. You have. You've been there every time Rachel called. Everytime she needed help paying her electric bill or for a textbook that she couldn't cover, you helped out. You made sure she stayed on top of her school work and made sure she called her parents at least once a week-"

"But-"

"YOU can't control what other people do. It..." Quinn shook her head as she tried incredibly hard not to allow the tears to fall from her own eyes as she continued. "It's an awful...awful thing what happened to Rachel, but San it isn't your fault. Just like you said in there when you were talking to her, it isn't her fault... it's that man's fault and his fault alone."

Santana shook her head and stared off into the darkness beside her best friend. It took every ounce of her being not to give into her quivering chin and let the sobs that filled her chest out into the night. She knew she couldn't do that because she knew she couldn't bring herself back from it if she did.

After nothing but silence filled the air for over five minutes Quinn finally took a step towards her shaking friend. "San?"

The brunette was shook back into reality as she darted her eyes to meet the blonde's. She opened her mouth only to close it again. With a deep breath she was finally able to build the courage enough to find her words. "Today... today of all days..."

Quinn's heart sank a little more.

"Today! TODAY OF ALL DAYS!" Santana screamed into the night.

"Shhhhh, San...our neighbors..." Quinn tried to warn the brunette again, only with half the intensity that she should have tried with. In all honesty she didn't care about the damn neighbors. So they wake up from their comfortable slumbers from a disturbance...whoop-de-do. Meanwhile their worlds were crumbling before their eyes. Quinn shook her head... Santana's world was hanging on by a sliver of a piece of thread. She focused back on Santana as she forced herself to stand tall and take control of the conversation again. "Santana, whether it be today or tomorrow or six months ago or five months from now it would have been equally as bad. The day doesn't make this any easier or harder, it would be just as miserable and hard any other day."

"Don't make me feel like I'm an evil person for wishing that this didn't happen to Rachel on MY doom's day! That isn't fair!" Santana hissed through her tears.

Quinn put up her hands defensively, "that is NOT what I was doing Santana Marie and you know that! I..." Quinn let out a breath reminding herself that above everything she needed to remain cool, Santana didn't mean it in the way she said it. "I wanted you to focus on the bigger picture. I wanted you to focus on Rachel because that is what Rachel needs right now. That is what YOU need right now."

Santana hung her head, her anger was slowly being replaced by grief once more. This rush of up and down emotions was making her head hurt and her stomach lurch. "How am I supposed to forget about my pain when now I don't just see it when I look in the mirror, but I see it ALL over Rachel's face. It's in her black eye, in her sprained wrist...how she carries her self now... it's personified in front of me. It's everything I avoid looking at when I look in the mirror. It's everything I try to forget about what I looked like after..." Santana shook her head at herself. "I feel responsible...like I should have done more," she mumbled.

Quinn ran her tongue along her top lip gingerly, she tried to find the words to say...but Santana's description of Rachel...her best friend admitting aloud that she doesn't look at herself in the mirror to this day, threw her off. She decided to attack that problem later and address the later part of Santana's mumbled statement. "You couldn't have done anything to prevent this Santana, it isn't your fault. You didn't do this."

"It doesn't matter..." Santana shook her head. "Rachel feels my pain now. I never would e-ever want that. I..." Santana's chin quivered as more tears rushed to her eyes. "I don't know how this happened. Rachel...s-she's b-b-broken now too..."

That was it. Santana fell to her knees in the middle of the parking lot, ignoring the gravel that dug into her knees. All she could focus on was the comfort of her best friend's arms pulling her into a strong embrace as she met her on the asphalt. Her world was crumbling right under her feet. Again. On the same day, five years later. And so was Rachel's.

...

Santana used the spatula to flip another completed pancake onto the growing stack. She held her hand over the warmer to make sure it was still on before she turned to face the stove once more, pouring more batter into the pan. The smell of coffee was flooding the kitchen again but Santana concluded that if she had another cup of coffee she would more than likely turn into coffee. She hadn't been able to sleep at all, and after her crying fit with Quinn in the parking lot followed by a couple hours of tossing and turning she finally felt it was appropriate to get up and start cleaning the kitchen and then start making breakfast. Her head was so full between the memories of her attack and now with the guilt and sadness of facing Rachel's. Santana sighed as she flipped the pancake. She had no idea how her head wasn't exploding.

The sound of a chair being pulled out from the table caused the older brunette to turn. Her eyes locked with Rachel's. The younger girl nodded her head at her cousin as she wrapped her blanket tightly across her shoulders before lowering down slowly onto the chair. The grimace that covered Rachel's face when her rear end met the chair made Santana's heart break all over again. Once the younger girl recognized that Santana had seen the grimace, her eyes immediately darted to focus on the wooden table in front of her. Santana continued to watch as Rachel stared at the table silently, breathing slowly as she gripped the blanket like it was a life line. Seconds passed without any worded exchange, so Santana looked back at the stove once more to remove the pancake and add it to the stack again.

The timer beeped lightly signalling to Santana. The older brunette bent down and with a towel opened the oven, removing the metal tray that was inside. The smell of bacon instantly filled the room as she maneuvered the pieces from the tray onto a large plate. Setting the hot tray aside, Santana picked up the plate of piled bacon and walked towards the table and set the plate within Rachel's reach. Santana paused as she stood next to her cousin, but when Rachel refused to look at her or move at all she sighed before returning back to the stove.

After Santana poured in the rest of the batter to make one final pancake she turned in the direction of the younger brunette once more. Rachel hadn't even acknowledged the plate of bacon that was sitting in front of her. The younger girl's eyes were glazed over as she seemed to stare at the table. Santana knew that she wasn't really looking at the table, she knew from experience that Rachel wasn't really in this moment. Her cousin was here physically, but mentally? Rachel was stuck in yesterday...and she would be for a long time.

Santana couldn't stand the silence anymore. She couldn't stand Rachel's glassy eyes or her zombied look. This look wasn't supposed to be on her cousin. It wasn't meant for her. This wasn't ever supposed to happen to Rachel... yet somehow it did. Santana cleared her throat. "Do... do you want me to call Tia?" Santana asked carefully, breaking the silence in the room.

Rachel's head shot up and quickly began shaking. "No... no absolutely not. No."

"Rach are you sure...I mean-"

Rachel cut her cousin off. "You will NOT tell my mother Santana. You know she already w-w-worries about me, about us being here alone. And after your-" Rachel couldn't bare to finish that statement with the word that now applied to her. "She went crazy after that with worry and guilt and..." Rachel trailed off as she thought about how much her mother had beaten herself up over Santana's attack.

The older girl took a few steps towards Rachel, closing the gap between the two of them. "I told her about Matt. She helped me." Santana persisted as she painfully remembered back to when she had told her beloved aunt.

"She lives in a different state now, San. It's different."

"She would come back if-"

Rachel quickly shook her head. "I don't want her to _have_ to come back. This...t-this would kill her. I can't...I won't do that to my mother. You shouldn't want that for my mom. The answer is no."

Santana sighed. Her own mother, Rachel's mother's sister, had died in a car accident when she was in fifth grade. It was why her aunt and uncle had chosen to relocate with Rachel to the house that was three down from her and her father. Her aunt stepped into the role, never replacing but assuming the duties of a mother. That was why Santana had seen Rachel as more of a sister than a cousin. Out of any of her other cousins, hers and Rachel's bond couldn't be touched. A couple of years ago, her uncle got a big promotional opportunity with his job which was amazing, but resulted in them having to relocate. Rachel's parents now lived in Texas. When they had left Rachel was halfway through college and dating Finn so she didn't want to move, and Santana had been finally happy with her job at the hospital and being roommates with Quinn, so moving was out of the question as well. Santana and Rachel opted to stay in Ohio together. The oldest brunette cringed as she remembered her aunt making her promise to keep and eye on her daughter. The woman she loved most told Santana that it was her responsibility to make sure Rachel stayed safe... and she had failed. She had failed catastrophically.

Santana sighed as she shook her head to bring herself back to the conversation at hand. She looked into her little cousin's eyes. "I don't want that for her," she agreed. "I didn't want this for you-"

Rachel shook her head, she wasn't going to go there. "San-"

Santana cut her off. "You're going to want your mom, Rach."

The younger brunette paused as she chewed on her lip. Tears in her eyes stinging yet again. "I don't want her...not for this. I..." she drew in a shakey breath. "I-I-I have you and Quinn. That's enough. You two are enough for me." Rachel looked into her cousin's eyes. "I have you...right?"

Santana's heart tore, for what felt like the millionth time since she arrived home from work yesterday. She instantly pulled the chair out and sat down next to her cousin so that she could look into her eyes more easily. "Of course." Santana reached out and grabbed Rachel's hand, the one that wasn't wrapped up, "you will always have me. Always."

Rachel nodded her head as a hiccuped sob escaped from her mouth. She lowered her head as a tear slipped down her cheek. "That's all I want, San. That's all I need. Please?"

Santana opened her mouth to respond but was cut off by the sound of Quinn's voice.

"It smells like bacon... and coffee...and...burnt?" Quinn shuffled her feet along the carpet as she entered the living room, stifling a yawn. Once she saw Rachel and Santana were having a moment at the dining room table she immediately paused. "Sorry..."

Santana let her best friend's words sink in and immediately popped up from her chair. "Shit!" She hurried over to the stove. "I forgot I poured this pancake into the pan!" The brunette grabbed the spatula and scraped at the burning food. "Shit. shit. shit. shit."

Quinn took this moment to pull the chair out from across Rachel and sit down in it. As soon as she saw the plate of bacon, the blonde grabbed a piece and began eating it slowly. She offered Rachel a sad smile before nodding her head towards the plate of bacon. "You need to eat, Rach."

Rachel nodded her head. "I know, I will..." she made no effort to reach towards the food. She wasn't hungry. At all.

Quinn noticed that Rachel's eyes were glossing over. The blonde was familiar with this since she lived through it with her best friend. "Hey," she whispered, forcing Rachel to shake herself from her zone and refocus back on Quinn's eyes.

Rachel lifted her eyebrows, signaling to Quinn to continue.

Quinn made sure that they were both looking into each other eyes directly before she spoke again. "I love you." The blonde delivered the three words slowly. She meant them with every fiber of her being. As she looked at her best friend's little cousin, the younger girl who she had grown so fond of over the years, the girl she had accepted as her own little sister...she looked past the cuts and bruises on her face and looked into Rachel's soul to deliver the words. Quinn knew there was no point in asking how she had slept, or saying good morning, or even asking how she was feeling... all of those typical greetings didn't apply, and wouldn't apply for quite some time. But those three words? They always applied, and from her experience with Santana, Quinn knew that it was so very important to remind Rachel of this fact every chance she got.

Rachel's eyes welled with tears as she received Quinn's words. She nodded her head as she wrapped her blanket tighter around her shoulders. The words warmed her heart, yet she couldn't find it in herself to respond back. She felt like if she responded then she was going to crack into a million pieces and crumble apart. A nod would have to do for now.

Santana walked back to the table juggling a plate full of pancakes on top of three more plates along with three mugs of coffee. Quinn stood to help sort the plates and cups among the three of them as Santana retrieved napkins, utensils and the syrup.

Just as Santana sat down again, the sound of a ringtone filled the kitchen. It was _Don't Stop Believing_, Rachel's favorite song which had been her ringtone for many many years.

"Do you want me to go see who it is?" Quinn asked Rachel calmly as Santana continued to separate out the utensils and napkins between the three of them.

Before Rachel could answer, Santana looked at Quinn. "It's Finn. He's been calling all morning."

Rachel shot her head over to look at her cousin. "He has?"

The older brunette nodded slowly as she used her fork to place a pancake onto Rachel's plate.

"I didn't hear anything?"

Santana shrugged her shoulders as she looked into her cousin's eyes. "Every time it started to ring I just turned off the volume before it woke you up. You were finally sleeping, and you weren't tossing and turning so I wanted to let you have that-"

Rachel shook her head quickly. "Santana! You should have told me! You should have let it wake me up!"

Santana chewed her lip as she looked over at Quinn for some support.

The blonde tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear as she nodded her head. "Rach, San is right, you need your sleep..." Quinn tilted her head, "we know that you didn't get much of it last night... I'm sure Santana was going to tell you he called..."

Santana nodded her head. "As soon as we finished eating," she agreed with her best friend as she looked into Rachel's eyes.

Rachel suddenly felt embarrassment cover her once more. So she had woken up screaming like she thought multiple times throughout the night. Quinn and her cousin knew that she didn't get much sleep...that was the only they would be sure of that. The youngest brunette closed her eyes and sent up a silent prayer that she didn't say anything about anything while she had her nightmares. She didn't want Santana and Quinn to find out anything from her sleeping state. If she wanted them to know anything then she wanted to know that they knew; meaning she wanted to be aware of what she tells them and not unconscious when it happened.

"Rach, I'm sorry... I knew that Finn could wait. You sleeping soundly was more important to me than him blowing up your phone during all hours of the morning." Santana shrugged her shoulders. She wasn't really sorry, she knew she had made the right decision.

When Rachel didn't acknowledge anything either of the girls had said, Quinn frowned. "Rach?"

The twenty three year old snapped out of her daze as she looked between the two older girls. She studied both of their worried and confused glances as she thought about what was on her own mind. Suddenly her lips put it to words. "What am I supposed to say to him? What... what do I tell my boyfriend?"

Tears welled in her eyes, yet again.

...

AN: Long jam packed chapter. Let me know what you're thinking, feeling, loving or hating. Any feedback is great!


	6. Chapter 5

**AN: As always, thank you for the feedback. I love it. Here is the next chapter!**

**Chapter 5**

Five years ago

_Eighteen year old Rachel waited impatiently at Quinn's front door. She had already knocked twice, and now could hear mumbling behind the closed door. How could they tell her to come over only to NOT answer the door when she got there? _

_She knocked again. "What gives?!"_

_Finally Quinn opened the door. The twenty one year old blonde shifted her weight and chewed her lip nervously as she looked at Rachel. _

_When she didn't say anything, Rachel tilted her head. Something was definitely off. Since hanging up the strangest phone call of her life between her and her cousin she had an uneasy indescribable feeling in her gut, but now seeing Quinn all weird and speechless was adding to it. "Are you gonna let me in?" Rachel nodded to the other side of the door, which Quinn was blocking still with her body._

"_Uh...yea..." Quinn slowly stepped aside and allowed the younger girl to enter._

_Once inside the foyer, Rachel turned and faced Quinn. "Where's San?"_

"_She's um... she's sitting in my living room."_

_Rachel nodded her head after giving Quinn another uneasy look before turning to go find her cousin. Only suddenly, the blonde's hand was holding her shoulder and stopping her from moving._

"_Rach, I need to tell you something, hunny."_

_Rachel frowned as she yanked her arm from Quinn's grasp. "Okay?" Without pausing, the younger girl turned to go looking for Santana again. This time ignoring Quinn's protests._

_She cut through Quinn's kitchen and turned the corner to the living room. Quinn was quick on her heels. Nothing could have prepared her for what she was about to see as she quickly approached the older brunette who was sitting on the furthest side of the couch. _

_Her feet came to an immediate hault. "Woah! Holy shit! Someone beat the hell out of you, San!" Rachel's jaw dropped as she took in her twenty one year old cousin's swollen face. She saw the trail of tears on her face, and the ones that welled in her eyes, threatening to spill at any given second. Santana NEVER cried, but given the state her face was in... Rachel couldn't blame her. "What the hell happened?"_

_Santana didn't even bother to try to smile as a greeting. Rachel's reaction only solidified how bad this really was. There was nothing in her that even wanted to try to pretend that this wasn't bad as a show for her baby cousin. With anything else in life, she had always tried to hide Rachel from the scary things that could be out there... but right now... sitting on this couch as every ounce of her being throbbed, tear and blood stained, she didn't have the strength to pretend. This was bad. This was next to unbearable._

"_I-I-I'm sorry..." Santana managed to choke out before she had to stop speaking. Her bottom lip quivered so ferociously she thought she might just erupt into another fit of sobs or hysterics. She didn't want to do that in front of Rachel. She wasn't planning on even telling her to begin with. So all she could think about even saying to the girl was that she was sorry. And she was. She was so sorry that Rachel had to see her like this, that she will have to know the scariness of this, that she was going to be exposed to all of this. _

"_You're sorry?" Rachel frowned. She shook her head. "Who did this to you? Were you mugged? Did someone break into your apartment?"_

_Santana was barely able to mute the sob that slipped from her lips. The eighteen year old's questions were all so innocent. All she could do was shake her head as more tears resurfaced, replacing the old ones._

"_I don't get it... did someone at work get pissed off at you? I mean...did you lose a fight or something?" Rachel tried to guess again._

"_Quinn..." Santana managed to mumble as she made direct eye contact with her best friend. With their silent conversational skills, the single look she gave the blonde was enough. She watched as her best friend slowly nodded her head and then took a few more steps to be at Rachel's side. Santana was sure her heart was breaking a record with how fast it was now pounding in her chest._

_Rachel looked at her cousin one more time, but Santana's eyes were locked with Quinn's...who was now at her side. The weird tension in the room suddenly seemed to multiply by a couple hundred. She was starting to get frustrated. "What the hell is going on here? Why won't anyone say anything?" Rachel finally tore her eyes away from Santana's and looked directly into Quinn's. "Why does my cousin look like this?"_

"_Rach..." Quinn took a breath. "Matt raped Santana."_

_Rachel instantly frowned. She couldn't have heard that correctly. Raped? No... That stuff doesn't really happen. It doesn't happen to people she knew...it didn't happen to her family...and especially not her Santana. No._

_Santana searched Rachel's face from her spot on the couch. The teenager was deep in thought. Her silence was making her stomach churn even more. _

_Rachel opened her mouth but then closed it again as her frown deepened. What? Raped? No. The eighteen year old turned back to look into the other set of brown eyes. "Matt? As in your boyfriend? Are you... are you sure that he knew you didn't want to...?"_

_Santana's eyes instantly filled with more tears. "Wh-wh-what?" Was Rachel seriously questioning this? Was she... did she think she was lying? Here she was with a nearly swollen shut eye and drying blood on her face and her little cousin had the audacity of asking her if she was SURE?_

"_Rachel." Quinn snapped, but Rachel didn't break her gaze. _

_Rachel shook her head. "I meant... I mean... You're sure? You always...I mean you talk about 'liking it rough' and stuff like that..." Rachel suddenly felt awkward when normally speaking about sex with Santana was second nature._

_Quinn stood up for her best friend. "Rachel. Rough sex and rape are two completely different things." Quinn felt an anger within her but she had to remind herself that people deal with shock differently...and Rachel being only eighteen didn't know any better. Not that she herself did either...but... Quinn shook her head. This was a mess. _

_Rachel quickly looked back from Quinn to Santana again. Santana was just looking straight forward at her. Had she even blinked? She wasn't speaking. What was happening? She frowned again... she needed her cousin to open her mouth and tell her. She needed answers. Quinn couldn't be right._

"_But did HE know that...? Did he know you didn't...that you didn't want to? Are you sure he knew what he was doing?"_

_Santana wanted to scream. She wanted to curl in a ball and die. She wanted to completely let herself break down and cry but she couldn't. She couldn't do anything but continue to look into her younger cousin's questioning eyes. She wanted to tell her that she had screamed the entire time. She wanted to tell her she had said 'no' and 'stop' more times than she could count. She wanted to tell Rachel that she had tried her best to break free from Matt's grip but was too weak. She wanted to yell at her cousin and tell her that of course he knew what he was doing. She wouldn't be sitting here looking like this if she had wanted to have sex with him, that was the problem. However, somehow, she could only bring herself to simply utter, "I'm sure."_

_The shrill sob that had immediately escaped from the eighteen year old's mouth had caught the two older girl's off guard. _

Rachel snapped back to the present. Thinking back to that moment in time made her angry at herself every time she thought about it since it happened, but thinking about it now...after what happened to her... made her more disgusted with herself than she had ever been in her life. How could she have acted that way when Quinn had broken the news? She literally had asked Santana if she was _sure_ that she had been raped. Of course she was in shock, and she was only eighteen years old... but that doesn't matter. Those were not excuses that made her feel any better about herself. Now that she is in the shoes Santana had been in... it didn't just make her disgusted...it made her want to throw up.

People's reactions were unpredictable, especially when it involved something so taboo as...rape... The word made Rachel shudder, and made her nauseous at the same time. How will Finn react? What if he responded to the news how Rachel had responded to her cousin five years ago? The younger brunette shook her head as the tears flowed down her cheeks. She couldn't handle that. Santana was so strong; Rachel knew in this moment that she wouldn't be able to breathe if that was how Finn were to respond to her when she finally gathered the courage to tell him.

_Don't Stop Believing_ started ringing on Rachel's phone from the kitchen counter again, bringing everyone back to the present. Rachel felt her heart begin to race wildly as the song continued before dying down again.

Santana looked over at Quinn and with a silent exchanged asked what they should do. The blonde looked into her eyes and signaled her head in the direction of the phone. Santana knew what this meant. She sighed before pushing herself away from the table to get up and retrieve the phone. She sat back down at the table and put it in front of Rachel with the screen up. Just as she pulled her hand away from the phone, it started to light up yet again, this time Santana and Quinn could see the picture of Finn flashing across the screen as it sang.

"He's calling again! What do I do? I don't know what to do..." Rachel began to cry as she looked at her phone as it lit up for the third time with her boyfriend's name across the screen.

"Just let it go to voicemail again, eventually he'll get tired and he'll stop calling." Santana said with a shrug as she watched the phone's screen turn black. "See?"

As if she had jinxed it, the phone started ringing. Again.

Rachel sobbed out as she shook her head. She felt horrible. She never avoided Finn's phone calls. They had been dating for nearly three years now, during that time she had never actively avoided him like she was doing now. It made her feel like an awful girlfriend and an awful human being.

Quinn looked at the ringing phone and then at Rachel. "Rach... he clearly cares..."

Rachel couldn't control the strangled noise that escaped her lips. "I know!" she cried, "I need to answer it... answer it, please answer it for me! I can't!"

Santana sighed heavily as she reached for her cousin's phone.

"Be nice, Santana," Quinn warned as she knew the look on her best friend's face well.

Santana shot a glare towards the blonde before rolling her eyes in compliance. She let out a short breath and answered the phone. "Hey Finn."

"Uh...hello? Rachel?"

Santana rolled her eyes at the daft boy. She couldn't stand him. There wasn't any in particular reason other than the fact that he wasn't good enough for her cousin, so naturally anything he said or didn't say annoyed her to no end. "Does this sound like Rachel?"

Quinn shook her head and quickly grabbed the phone from Santana's hands giving her best friend a scolding look as she brought the phone to her own ear. "Hey, Finn. This is Quinn. How are you?"

"Quinn?"

Quinn tried her best not to roll her eyes at her former classmate. "Yes, Finn. I-"

"I thought I called Rachel's phone...?" The boy sounded so confused.

The blonde took a deep breath. "You did, I answered-"

Finn shook his head angrily. "Are you kidding me? She's having YOU answer for her? I mean jeez... how immature can she be? It was just a little fight..."

"A fight?" Quinn's voice came out louder than she intended, but she couldn't help it. This threw her off, completely. Rachel had sworn up and down that Finn wasn't the one who hurt her, and now here is the dumb ass admitting to "fighting" with her? Could it be true? Did she lie? Both Quinn and Santana's eyes immediately darted over to the younger brunette's direction.

Rachel perked her head up immediately and started shaking her head back and forth rapidly. Tears welled in her eyes again.

Quinn's jaw dropped.

Santana slammed her hands down on the table. "Oh HELL no!"

"He doesn't know!" Rachel suddenly cried out in response to Santana's immediate reaction to the twisted words. She reached out and grabbed Santana's hands, urging her to look into her eyes as she shook her head. "It's not what you're thinking!"

Before Santana or Rachel could go on, Finn's angry ranting finally registered in Quinn's ear. It brought her back to the stupid boy's words and forced her to the present situation. The blonde pressed the phone into her ear to hear more clearly. "It's so freakin' stupid! I mean, who doesn't leave a note! I got home, she wasn't there. I waited and no Rachel. Then she doesn't even bother answering any of my phone calls? I mean...ridiculous! She just goes out for one of her famous 'runs' and then decides that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore? I'm supposed to be her boyfriend! So what...we disagree on shit, couples do that, but having her cousin's best friend answer the phone? That's SO FREAKING DUMB!"

"FINN!" Quinn scolded the boy. She was beyond glad that the phone wasn't on speaker so that Rachel could hear her boyfriend's rant. She didn't know what happened between the couple prior to Rachel's jog...which ended up being the worst night of the girl's life, but she could hear by the sound of Finn's voice that he was worried, underneath the annoyment. Either way she would NEVER stand for ANYONE saying negative things about Rachel, no matter what the circumstance but especially while Rachel was in this one. She let out a breath as she was able to relax a small amount, realizing that Finn wasn't in fact responsible for Rachel's attack. She held the phone against her ear tightly. "Stop talking and listen."

Quinn looked at Rachel's face as she spoke. The twenty three year old looked beyond nervous as she waited for the words to come from Quinn's mouth. The blonde didn't break eye contact. "Rachel is here, at mine and Santana's apartment. She is going to be staying with us today and then probably another night again-"

Finn cut off the blonde. "She's just going to not come home?" The boy gave a strangled laugh. "That's hilarious since she is always on me about acting more mature!"

Quinn continued to maintain eye contact with Rachel as she spoke. "Finn Hudson, stop speaking." When a hefty sigh was the only thing that was met with Quinn's ear, the blonde took a deep breath and continued. "She is staying with us, not because of you." Rachel's eyes widened in horror. The look on the girl's face told Quinn that she thought Quinn was about to tell Finn what had happened.

"Then why is she?"

"That's not something I'm going to be discussing with you Finn. When Rachel is ready she will call you or get in contact with you," Quinn watched as Rachel physically relaxed, tears ran down the girl's face as a sign of immediate relief from the panic she had previously felt. "Until then," Quinn continued, "please just give her a little space. Okay?"

"This is ridiculous-"

"I said, 'Okay'?" Quinn said stronger than she had before as she cut Finn's rant off before it could begin.

There was a long sigh. "Fine. I'll be waiting for her call."

Quinn's ear was met with a long silence before the ringing tone filled the line, signaling that Finn had hung up. The blonde lowered the phone from her ear and set it on the table in front of her. She looked over at Santana and nodded her head before meeting Rachel's gaze again. "We need to talk."

With that Rachel hung her head.

...

"Why didn't you tell us that you had been fighting?" Santana asked as she sat next to Rachel on the couch. Rachel had just finished filling in both of the older girls about what was happening in her fake happy home with her boyfriend.

"Every couple fights, San... it wasn't anything crazy. It was just...we just argued."

"Every couple does not have an alcoholic as a partner." Quinn countered back as she raised her eyebrow at Rachel from the ottoman she had placed in front of the young brunette.

Rachel sighed. She was tired, she didn't want to have this conversation either and it felt like it kept circling back to the same thing. "He's not an alcoholic-"

Santana shook her head. "Baby, from what you've told us... yes. And the fact that I know you, and I know you aren't telling us even half of the crap that has happened between you two tells me that yes, he absolutely is an alcoholic."

Quinn nodded her head. "Rach, it's not your fault," as the words left Quinn's mouth, Rachel's eyes instantly watered again and her head bowed down. She knew that the words had more than one meaning now. They weren't even talking about the attack but of course it was one of the only things on Rachel's mind. "He has a problem-"

Rachel lifted up her head, tears were now visible down her face once again. "Stop saying that! He doesn't have a 'problem'... he just... we just argue and then his place he likes to go is the bar. He has friends that he's made there, so he goes and unwinds and hangs out with his friends."

Santana rolled her eyes. "He's made friends at the bar... of course he has. Rachel...he's become one of the regulars. You know what that means right?"

Rachel sobbed. "It doesn't mean he has a problem!" Her voice was louder than she expected. "Please...please just stop. He doesn't hit me, he doesn't call me awful things.. he has never h-h-hurt me or laid so much as a finger on m-me... it wasn't him...he wasn't the one who...it wasn't him," Rachel shook her head and immediately buried her head into her hands as sobs overtook her body once again.

Quinn and Santana both sighed as they looked at each other. With a silent exchange they both agreed that they couldn't continue to talk about this anymore. Rachel had just shifted the conversation and pushing her wasn't going to be good for any of them. Santana rubbed gentle circle's into her cousin's back in attempt to calm her down. "Okay Rach, we believe you. We know it wasn't him, hunny. We're just... we just want what's best for you, and the fact that you and him had been having so many problems...it just came as a shock, that's all."

Quinn reached forward and stroked Rachel's arm lovingly. "We don't have to talk about this anymore, if that's what you want."

"I...I just don't know how to move now." Rachel confessed between sobs behind her hands. "H-how am I ever..." she shook her head. "I have to tell Finn, b-b-but I can't...we... we won't survive this...I..." she shook her head again as the sobs wracked her petite body.

"Sweetie, you don't have to think about that now-"

Rachel picked her head up from behind her hands and looked directly across from her at Quinn as she responded. "It's ALL I can think about!"

Santana wrapped her arm around her cousin and pulled her into her side gently, doing her best to avoid moving the younger girl suddenly so she wouldn't feel any pain. "I know... I know, Rach." She tightened her embrace on the girl as Rachel cried harder into her side. She nodded her head because she did know. She knew.

...

"Rachel, you don't have to do this right now...you don't have to do this today..." Santana tried again with her cousin as they stood facing each other in the living room.

"San, please... just go to work and work. I'll be fine." Rachel sighed, she was tired of repeating herself so many times.

The older brunette let out a sarcastic laugh. "Rachel Barbara, I am not going to work, I've told you that I just need to drop off the key card and then I'll come right back. But I've told you, I am not going to work my shift today." She repeated for what felt like the twentieth time.

"Why?" Rachel snapped back quickly and sharply. Her voice was even and strong, which surprised the both of them.

Santana fumbled for words as her little cousin's stare pierced her eyes. "I'm not going to leave you after..."

"After what, Santana? After I was..." Rachel's voice cracked. She thought with her emotions built up and running like a train without brakes that she would be able to say it outloud, but she couldn't. "After I had been..." she tried again, but failed again. She couldn't say the word. Not that saying it would make it any more real, the ache her lower half felt was reminder enough, not including her other injuries as well.

The older girl sighed as she watched Rachel struggle. "Yes, after you have been raped." She finished the sentence yet the words seemed to ring in the air.

Rachel closed her eyes as the words hit her ears. With a deep breath she somehow managed to suck the tears back from her eyes before opening them again. "You can't just skip work."

"I can," Santana insisted. "I'll use my vacation time."

Rachel shook her head as she let out a breath. "Vacation... right... because that is exactly what this is," she mumbled.

"Rach, I'm not saying that." The older girl quickly quipped.

"I know."

Santana sighed again. "But that's what it's there for-"

Rachel raised her eyebrows as she cut her cousin off. She felt tears sting her eyes again. "Oh really? That's what it's for? The hospital gives you time off each paycheck so you can use it _just incase _your cousin gets attacked?"

Santana shook her head. "It doesn't matter what I use it for."

"No." Rachel crossed her arms over her chest as she tried to stand up tall.

"Rach-"

"I said no, Santana, please respect that. I can't... I can't have you change your life for me."

There it is. The real reason. This was what Santana had been looking for since Rachel had first suggested that she go into work her full shift, leaving Rachel alone in the apartment for a few hours. She looked into the girl's eyes. "That's not what I'm doing, Rachel it's one day."

"Don't lie to me. It's not. You know it and I know it. It's not just one day. I'm... I'm not..." her voice cracked again she continued, "I'm not going to be like this for _one_ day. I watched you... I know how this goes."

"Rachel-"

Rachel ignored her cousin's protests and continued. "You can't skip work because of me. It would...it would make me feel awful, Santana. And... and if you skip for me today...if I..." she shook her head and cleared her voice in one last attempt to sound strong. "I can't have you skip, because I will like it. I...I can't get used to it because that's not going to be how it is going to be the rest of my life. So I need you to go on to work, like it was just another normal day because if you stay home with me today...then I'll want you to stay home with me tomorrow and the next day and the day after that and that's not possible. So I need you to go to work, Santana. Please. Just go."

"I can stay today, it's the day after..." she sighed as Rachel looked away at the ground. She could see the tears sliding down her cheek even though Rachel was trying hard to conceal them. "And you called Finn to come over, I can... I can help you with that. I want to be here for you just incase you need me."

"I need you, Santana." The twenty three year old spoke slowly. "But I need you to go to work... I need time with my boyfriend... I...please... you are making this harder on me, San."

"I'm sorry. I...that wasn't my intention. I..." Santana sighed. She wanted to kick herself as she forced these next words from her mouth. "I'll go. I will go to work, because you are asking me to."

"Thank you."

Santana straightened up. "But if you need me-"

"I'll be here the entire time. I...I'm not leaving this apartment. Q-Quinn should be back sometime too..." Rachel trailed off, she had posed it as a statement, but in reality she was asking because she didn't know when Quinn would be home from law school.

"Yea, she uh..." The brunette looked at her watch. "She only had four hours of class today so she's gonna be back before you know it."

Rachel nodded her head as she chewed on her lip.

Santana stared at her silently. All she wanted to do was wrap her little cousin in a hug, and never let go, but she couldn't make her feet move. "I um.. I don't want Hudson here unless Quinn or I am home too."

Rachel's arms tightened over her chest. "I know, you've said that already."

Santana nodded her head, "just making sure..."

"He said he would come by later today, he said he'd call first... if Quinn isn't home by the time he calls...I just...I'll have him come another time."

The older brunette nodded her head slowly. "Okay..." she sighed again. "Fine...I'll go...I'm...I'm gonna go, if that is what you truly want." Santana paused, hoping beyond hope that Rachel would change her mind. Hoping that Rachel would vocalize the things she could so clearly see that she was trying to hold back. No matter how much Santana hated to admit it, Rachel was right. However, the day after? She didn't need to be so right about this so quickly. Yes, life had to go on; however, it didn't need to be this soon afterwards.

Rachel didn't say anything. Her eyes glazed over once more as she was sucked into her own world once again with her arms folded tightly over her chest and her teeth chewing at her sore lip.

Santana sighed and with every fiber of her being she managed to make herself close the distance between her and her cousin. She wrapped her hand gently around the back of Rachel's head and brought her lips to her cousin's temple. "I love you," she whispered before she planted another kiss to the same spot again.

"Love you too."

...

**AN: For those of you continuously asking, Finn will be in the next chapter. I have plans when I write so please be patient with me. I have to build the story before I can just throw in a character. I promise he will be in the next chapter as it will be the chapter Rachel and him see each other for the first time after her attack. Thank you for your patience... in the mean time I hope you liked the chapter, please let me know.**


	7. Chapter 6

**AN: For those who are upset with me,**

**I'm sorry but no where in my summary did I ever claim this was going to be a "finchel" fic. I added Finn to the character's list because he has a role in this story, as Rachel's boyfriend. I'm sorry if you were expecting me to follow the show somehow where we make everyone a perfect character but I take a more realistic approach in my writing and know from experience that while people could be good people...they also have flaws, especially in hard situations. I don't know where you were misled about this being a happy fluffy finchel fic because it certainly isn't advertised as such, so if for some reason I have misled you along the way then for that I will apologize. But I certainly will not apologize for making my characters who I want them to be. Everyone handles trauma differently, it's not making them a "bad guy" or a "good guy", it just is what it is... and that is the message I am trying to get off. **

**And that is all I have to say about that. If you want happy go lucky fluffy finchel then you might want to stop reading. While I don't see him as a bad guy at all, he isn't going to "save the day" either, because no one can "save the day" after someone has been through a trauma like this. Like I said earlier, Finn (in my story) isn't evil or bad...I haven't written him that way... he is flawed, just like everyone else in this world. His flaws might not be glamorous, but that's life. **

**End of rant! For the rest of you who want to continue reading, please enjoy (sorry for any typos) :) And thank you, as always. **

**Chapter 6**

"So uh... so..." Finn trailed off as he failed to come up with words. Silence encompassed the room again.

"Say something, Finn," Rachel urged desperately. Her heart was in her throat.

"I'm trying Rachel!" The boy snapped. He pushed himself off of the couch harshly and started pacing the apartment as he ran his hands through his short hair. Quinn had said that she would be waiting right outside, in the outdoor hallway of the apartment complex that she lived in... he had known something was weird about that, but this? This was NOT what he was expecting. This was...this was beyond comprehension.

Finn shook his head as he talked his thoughts out loud. "I mean some guy... he... and then to top it off... I mean... you always told me 'no' when I asked if we could try...you never would let me do that-"

"Finn... I...I didn't l-l-let him do anything..." Rachel shook her head fiercely back and forth. "I didn't want... I didn't _let_ him..."

Finn shook his head as he ran his hands over his face. "Sorry, I know... I know, I didn't mean- I just... ugh! I don't know Rachel! I know you didn't..." Finn dropped his hands as he continued pacing, "well I mean I would hope that you didn't...but I mean... now...now what...?"

Rachel felt the tears nearly spilling over her eyes again. "I didn't let him. You have to believe me when I tell you that I tried...I tried, Finn." Rachel shook her head again. "I didn't want this..."

"I mean...like...why would he have kept going?" Finn asked as he quickly looked at Rachel before looking away once more.

Rachel frowned as she wiped tears from her cheeks. "What do you mean?"

Finn shrugged his shoulders as he paced again. He looked at the carpet as he spoke. "If you weren't liking it...then why would he keep going?"

Rachel felt her jaw drop. "I..." She opened and then closed her mouth again as she tried to wrap her brain around what Finn was insinuating. She didn't have an answer to his question. She didn't know how it was possible for a man to do what he did to her, without her permission, while she laid there screaming into his hand and crying.

"I mean... did he...did he cum?" Finn turned to pace back in the other direction, leaving the question hanging in the air.

Rachel couldn't find any words. She couldn't move. She couldn't even breathe.

Finn stopped and immediately turned to face his girlfriend in the long silent pause. "Did he Rachel? Did he...go until... completion?"

"Finn-"

"Answer my question."

Rachel didn't bother wiping the heavy tears that flooded her eyes and quickly raced down her cheeks. "Y-Yes," her voice somehow managed to crack out.

Finn threw his hands up in the air with a frenzied sigh before he picked back up his pacing. He ran his fingers through his hair again. "So clearly there must have been SOME sign that you were enjoying it. Why else would he be able to get his happy ending? I mean...he came!" Finn was talking more to himself then Rachel at this point as he paced across the floor, but then suddenly he stopped. He stopped dead in his tracks and he turned to look at his crying girlfriend one more time. His face contorted in disgust. "Did...did he cum _in _you or _on_ you?"

Rachel couldn't control it any longer. She couldn't hold herself together, not even in the slightest. Finn's last question nearly killed her. She was suddenly sucked back into the previous night.

"_Nice and tight." Rachel heard him say as the sound of a zipper made its way to her ear. "That's why it's my favorite, no matter how loose the girl is...that one is always tight." _

_His hand caressed her bare cheek once more, sending shivers down Rachel's spine as she let out a whimper with her face resting on the cement beneath her._

"_And you don't even have to worry about the morning after pill. What a beautiful thing." His wicked laugh filled the air. _

_Just as quickly as it had started it was over. The sound of his quiet foot steps faded away into the darkness leaving Rachel exposed, used, soiled, crying and grasping onto the sidewalk. _

"You know what? I don't even want to know the answer to that question. I don't know which would be worse, honestly." Finn shook his head as he waved his hands, bringing Rachel back from her trance.

"I'm so sorry." This was the only thing Rachel was able to choke out.

Finn paused long enough to notice how broken Rachel really looked. Her tear stained face, and puffy eyes wasn't something he ever liked seeing, but right now he was so confused. He didn't know what all of this meant. How could things be so... He shook his head. The tall boy brought his hands to his face and let out a frustrated groan into them before looking back at Rachel. "I'm sorry Rachel." he shook his head. "I just... I don't know. I...I need time to process this. You were just fine last night before our fight...and then now you are sitting here telling me you were...raped? Some guy...had sex with my girlfriend..." he shook his head again. "You're telling me some guy has...he's done something to you that we haven't even done together...I mean you've got to know how hard this is to hear. What...what am I supposed to feel right now? What do you want me to say? Or to do?"

Rachel looked at her boyfriend as tears fell from her eyes. "I don't know Finn. Something? Anything?" The brunette buried her face into her hands and started to cry harder. She knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted him to sit next to her, she wanted her boyfriend of three years to not insinuate that she caused or liked what happened even a little. She wanted Finn to be less stressed and see how much she was hurting, but she knew that wasn't fair to ask of him. She couldn't force him to do or say or feel a certain way, especially when it came to this. So she would have to settle for him to do _something_. She would have to settle for him to say _anything._ Anything or something other than what he was currently doing: pacing the room and treating what happened to her last night as if she had admitted to willingly cheating on him.

Finn shook his head. He was so conflicted, he looked at the girlfriend he loved but wasn't feeling anything right now, and it scared him. He ran his hands over his face and then cleared his voice. "I'm gonna go home. I need... I need to go home. I need to process this. I just..." he shook his head again as Rachel met his eyes. "I can't right now. I gotta go, okay?"

"Finn-"

Finn started retreating from the room but then looked back and paused at Rachel's wide eyes. He sighed. "You've had an entire night and day to process this, I just need the same. I'm so sorry Rachel. I...I'm so sorry." His eyes started to water before the voice in his head told him that men don't cry. The tears vanished as he stood taller and looked at his battered girlfriend. "I just don't know what to say right now...and I don't want to say or do anything that hurts you. I-I know I'm already hurting you...and I don't want to. I'm not meaning to...I need to be alone for a little and just...just let this sink in. I'll...I'll call you okay? Or, I mean, I'll see you at home... eventually?" He was asking, because he didn't know if Rachel had even planned on coming home.

Rachel shook her head. "I don't think I can go back there yet..." her voice was extremely quiet.

Finn nodded his head. "I'll call you. I'm...I'm sorry."

With that Finn turned on his heel and rushed as quickly as he could to the front door. He swung it open and nearly bulldozed Quinn in the hallway as he walked away. The blonde tried to get in his path but he brushed right by her. He didn't even look over his shoulder as he climbed into his car and drove away, leaving a confused Quinn in his wake.

Quinn watched as Finn sped off without so much as a single word. His quick exit from the apartment along with his fast silent retreat to his car as he managed to avoid eye contact at all costs made Quinn's heart clench in her chest. She looked back at her wide opened front door, where she knew Rachel was waiting alone. "Shit," the blonde murmured to herself as she sighed. Finn basically running away couldn't have been good.

...

Quinn pushed the mug of warm tea across the coffee table closer toward Rachel. The brunette finally snapped out of her daze of silent crying and slowly pulled the warm mug into her hands and onto her lap. "Thanks," she whispered softly at the blonde who sat pressed up next to her on the couch.

The blonde let out a sigh, thankful that Rachel had finally spoken. The past fifteen minutes had been silent torture. As soon as the tall boy's car had peeled away, Quinn had ran into the apartment to see a stoich Rachel sitting on the couch, crying heavily. She refused to speak or move, she didn't respond to Quinn's questions or even acknowledge that she was there, but as the tea was being made Rachel had calmed and the eerie silence grew stronger, until now.

"Where...where was Finn going?" Quinn asked nervously.

"Home."

Quinn was surprised that Rachel finally answered, it took her a few beats to comprehend the younger girl's answer before she furrowed her brows and pushed further. "Was he... was he planning on coming back?"

"I don't think so."

The twenty six year old sighed at Rachel's answer. "Were you planning on going back home...to him?"

"I can't."

Quinn sat up straight, her jaw dropped. "He told you that you can't?!" Her voice was louder with this question. She instantly was flooded with the feeling of wanting to hunt down Finn Hudson and pummel his face.

Rachel finally snapped from her zombie-like trance and looked over at Quinn. She quickly shook her head once she saw her friend's face and heard the tone in the girl's voice. "No. No...nothing like that... I just...I can't go back there..."

Quinn nodded her head, understanding. She took a few deep breaths to steady her now racing heartbeat, relieved that Finn hadn't banished Rachel from their apartment. "What um... what did he say?"

The room was met with silence. Rachel didn't answer this time.

The blonde tried again, in a different way. "Were...were you able to tell him?" Quinn knew this was a dumb question. Finn wouldn't have ran away without even bothering to take the two seconds to close the door behind him if Rachel hadn't told him.

There was a long silent pause again. Quinn was about to open her mouth again when Rachel finally spoke. "The look of disgust on his face... when I said it..." Rachel shook her head numbly as she slowly looked at Quinn. "He was disgusted by me."

"Rachel-"

"No, Quinn. I know Finn, we've been dating three years, living together for nearly one... and I mean.. I've known him a hell of a lot longer than that. I know what I saw." Rachel was speaking eerily calm.

"Are you sure you aren't projecting your own thoughts onto him?" Quinn asked carefully.

Rachel let out a sarcastic laugh, which shocked Quinn. The brunette rolled her eyes as she tightened her hands over the warm mug in her lap. "Are you asking me if I feel disgusting, Quinn?"

"Rach-"

The younger brunette shook her head as she put her hand up, stopping Quinn before she could even start. She licked her lips before looking into the blonde's eyes. "What do you see when you look at me now?"

Quinn frowned at the girl's question. She looked at her like she must have just spoken a foreign language.

"Well?" Rachel pushed.

Quinn shook her head as her frown remained. "I see _you_...I see Rachel Berry..." she spoke slowly as she shrugged.

"I can handle the truth, Quinn." the brunette challenged her with her eyes.

The hostile look that ignited within Rachel's eyes was unlike anything she had ever seen in the younger girl before. It scared her. It made her want to look away, but she knew that she couldn't. She knew that if she broke Rachel's gaze than any of the crazy thoughts that Rachel had about how Quinn thought of her now would be confirmed. And she couldn't have that. Quinn straightened her posture as she countered Rachel's response. "I have no reason to lie to you, Rach."

"You're disgusted by me too, I can see it."

Quinn's jaw dropped. Within seconds she forced herself to pick it back up. She straightened her posture before addressing her friend's accusatory statement. "Let's get this straight Rachel Barbara. I have never been, am not, nor will I ever be _disgusted_ by you-"

"Don't lie-"

"It's my turn to talk now." Quinn said strongly. "Am I disgusted? Hell yes. I am. You are absolutely correct; but by you? No. Never. The animal who attacked you is the one I am disgusted by. The animal who for some reason thought it was okay to do this to you, to make you feel this way, to put you through so much and cause so much pain... HE is the one I am disgusted with. The thought of him existing makes me angry. It makes me sick. It makes me want to hunt him down and do a lot of things that I am not legally allowed to do. HE disgusts me. Not you."

The tears resurfaced in Rachel's eyes, her fire died down. "But-"

Quinn shook her head and cut the brunette off again. She reached down and pulled the mug from Rachel's hands and placed it on the coffee table in front of them before she reached and grasped onto both of Rachel's hands firmly in her own. "No." Her voice was strong and steady even though deep down she wanted nothing more than to cry for Rachel. She sighed. "Rachel, I can't speak for Finn just like you can't speak for me. But, I am looking at you right now and all I can see is a strong woman, one I love beyond what words can express."

Rachel hung her head. "I don't feel strong."

Quinn sighed as she wrapped her arm around Rachel's shoulder and brought the girl into a side hug. "You were put in a situation where you had to choose between staying on the ground or getting up. You chose to get up. You chose to call me. This morning you chose to get up again. And tomorrow, you'll have to choose again, same with the day after that and the day after that. It's going to feel like a choice for a while, I watched Santana choose to get up instead of letting it keep her down every day since-"

"I'm n-n-not as strong as S-Santana..." Rachel's cracked voice interrupted Quinn.

Quinn could feel the brunette's tears dampening the shoulder of her shirt but she didn't care. She pulled her even closer as she spoke into Rachel's hair. "You are, Rachel. You absolutely are. You know how I know?" Rachel answered by shaking her head into Quinn's shoulder. "I know because you've already gotten up twice. You've made that decision two times already. And Rachel..." Quinn let out a breath and swallowed the lump that was in her throat before continuing. "On the days where you feel like you can't get up anymore, I'm going to be here to help you. Santana is going to be here to help you. Okay?"

Rachel's sniffles were her only response as she slowly nodded her head.

"Okay." Quinn confirmed as she planted a kiss on the brunette's head. They stayed in this half embrace for a few minutes in silence.

"Finn...he asked me if..." Rachel sighed as she tried to get the courage to continue to make her voice work while she wiped at the tears that fell down her face again before continuing. "Finn asked me if _he..._ came..."

"Excuse me?" Quinn pulled back in shock. She forced the girl to sit up away from her shoulder so that she could look at Rachel's face. "After you told him, _that_ was what he was concerned with?"

"Quinn, it's a fair question..." Rachel's chin quivered as she attempted to keep herself semi put together.

The blonde shook her head strongly. "No, Rachel. No it absolutely is not. Hunny, whether that animal did or did not... it doesn't make the least bit of a difference. It doesn't reflect anything on you, either way. You know that right?"

Rachel's breath shook as she tried to fill her lungs with air. "It...it makes me feel like...like I did something right..."

Quinn's face fell at how honest Rachel's answer was. Her face fell with how sad Rachel looked.

Rachel quickly retreated, "I'm sorry. This-this is making you upset, I'm sorry. I'm making this hard on Santana and now you..." she shook her head. "I didn't mean to make you sad."

Quinn put her hands up and waved quickly cutting off the brunette. She wanted to kick herself, she didn't mean to let her emotions get in the way, it was just so hard when the younger girl she was sitting on front of was like her little sister that she never had. "Stop." She shook her head as tears filled her own eyes. "_You_ aren't making me sad, Rachel. I am just...so sad that you are going through this, Rach." She shook her head and redirected the conversation so that Rachel didn't shut down on her. "Nothing you did or didn't do resulted in what happened. What he did, how he did it...and how it ended...it was all a result of that guy's sick and twisted brain. You are not responsible for how he reacted, you are not responsible for any of it."

Rachel hung her head, she couldn't continue to look into Quinn's hazel eyes any longer, even if it was what she wanted to hear...she couldn't bring herself to believe it.

Quinn lifted Rachel's chin with her hand gently, looking deep into Rachel's watery eyes once again. "It was not your fault Rachel. And I hope Finn..." Quinn shook her head. "I hope that once Finn has had some time to process this that he will realize this as well. He's in shock...this...this is new to him...so give him some time... but Rachel, if for some reason he doesn't come around... that isn't your fault either."

Rachel couldn't take it anymore. She leaned forward and fell into Quinn's arms. As soon as the blonde's arms wrapped around her, pulling her in close, the floodgates seemed to open and tears and sobs were instantly released from her body once again.

...

"Penny for your thoughts?" Quinn asked as she sat down next to her best friend.

Santana had gotten home from work and Rachel had already showered and fallen into a fitful sleep on the couch. Quinn had filled her in on the Finn situation, and then the couple of hours that followed, Santana had spent sitting watching her younger cousin toss and turn and whimper and cry in her sleep.

Santana looked away from Rachel's sleeping form to her best friend before sighing and standing up. The two older girls walked away from the younger brunette so they could talk and allow her to sleep more. Quinn led Santana into her bedroom. The brunette looked over her shoulder one last time at Rachel before entering the room and plopping down on Quinn's bed. They sat in silence for a few minutes.

"I'm just tired." Santana finally breathed.

"Yea," Quinn agreed and then waited for her best friend to speak again.

"With Matt..." Santana started before licking her lips and urging herself to continue. She looked forward at the wall, instead of at her best friend as she spoke. "Matt served twenty one months in prison. He is now a classified sex offender. The injunction I have against him is permanent. I am certain that he won't ever come back to Lima again, but if..." she trailed off as she shook her head.

Quinn sat up taller. She knew where Santana was going with this. She shook her head fiercely as the thought even made her angry, "If he ever hurt you again-"

Santana looked over at the blonde with a frown, cutting her off. "If he ever hurt me again, I would just die, Quinn. I barely survived the first time... I... I couldn't..." she shook her head. "There is no way I would be able to pick my life back up _again_. I couldn't."

Things got quiet again as the brunette went back to staring at the wall again. Quinn felt her shoulders sag. She knew exactly what Santana meant about her barely surviving. It wasn't that Matt nearly killed her, because although her injuries were extensive, her health was never in question... however her mental health? That was an entirely different story. The man she had loved had taken her mental sanity from her, and that is what Quinn will always hate him for the most. Forcing Santana to continue to choose to live was the hardest thing she had ever had to do in her own life... and now here they are...going to have to repeat the steps but with Rachel. Quinn sighed heavily at the thought. It broke her heart, along with her soul.

Santana licked her lips again, her voice was quiet. "That wasn't what I was getting at." She retreated the conversation again. "What I meant was... Matt..." she shook her head. "I got justice, or at least a little bit of it. I also have the peace of mind that my rapist lives across the country now. And while an injunction is technically just a piece of paper... you were right, it does make me feel more safe, because violating it has punishments, ones that will always deter Matt from even thinking about coming near me again." She sighed. "Rachel... she... she won't ever have that."

Quinn sighed again. "Yea..." she reluctantly agreed with Santana. Because it was all true.

The brunette shook her head at herself before looking over at her best friend. "It worries me that she didn't tell us about her and Finn and all their problems."

"Oh I know."

"That's...that's what happened with Matt... he changed when we moved in... he started being cold, and would get angry in a split second. We would start out arguing, but then I found myself losing my voice. I would quickly retreat whatever statements I had made in the argument because I quickly noticed how out of control mad he had suddenly become. I was scared...and...and I never told you...I never told Tia... I never told anyone."

Quinn nodded her head. She knew this now. Her and Santana had obviously talked about this multiple times since the incident five years ago. No matter how many times it was talked about, Quinn still felt guilty for never noticing the huge difference her best friend described in her boyfriend. When they were out all together he was nothing but nice and funny, a real jokester. How wrong was she. Quinn looked deeply into Santana's eyes. "I think... I think that is why Rachel didn't tell you, or me. I think...I think she knew that we would jump to the conclusion, because honestly, how could we not?"

Santana sighed and then looked forward again. "I know. That's what I've been thinking about." The brunette shook her head. "I'd like to say that we could have gotten past that and not compared Finn to Matt but...the reality is...I don't think I could have. It would have made me certain that Finn would one day lay a hand on Rachel, because...well...that's what Matt did."

"I know," Quinn nodded her head in agreeance.

"But that makes me so..." she trailed off and shook her head as she tried to think of a word to properly describe what she was feeling. Angry, mad, upset, annoyed, sad...the list goes on and on. "She would go running at night because after a fight with Finn she felt like she needed to 'get away' and so she would. Finn would go to his stupid bar...and she would go running around the neighborhood to clear her head...and THAT is why this happened. If she had came to us about this...if we had made her feel like we wouldn't jump the gun and compare him to Matt then she would have maybe come to us to vent about Finn...rather than going on a run when it was dark outside..." She sighed yet again. "I guess I'm just having a hard time wrapping my mind around that."

The blonde felt her eyes water once more, but she quickly blinked to ensure they wouldn't fall down her cheeks. She nodded her head at Santana's statements. Silence encompassed the room once more.

"She just feels...she feels like she's disgusting." Quinn said sadly as she quoted the younger brunette from their conversation hours prior. She leaned to peer around the corner, glancing as Rachel slept not-so peacefully on their living room couch.

Santana nodded her head. "Yup. She's going to feel disgusting and used and stupid and gross and dirty and worthless..."

Quinn looked back at her best friend who was sitting next to her, but her eyes showed that she was elsewhere. Santana's eyes showed that she was in her own past. "San..." Quinn reached her arm out towards the brunette but got it quickly shrugged away.

"Don't," she told her best friend. She didn't want this to be about her. It wasn't about her anymore. This was about Rachel. She continued, "She's going to feel all of these things and more... and there isn't a damn thing either of us can do about it." Santana refused to let her eyes water. She steeled her eyes instead as she met her best friend's gaze. "It's the main thing that keeps me awake at night now, knowing this. Knowing all of this. I don't know what to do. I know that there is nothing to do...but I don't want to accept that. Nothing isn't good enough." Santana sighed. "I've never been a big fan of Finn...but God, I hope that he proves me wrong. I really...I really hope he can find a way to be there for Rachel...because at this point...anything will help."

Quinn nodded her head slowly. "Yea, me too."

...

**Thoughts? Opinions? Questions? Thanks for reading!**


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